somewhere i have never travelled

In the midst of all this hoopla on anti-trust, monopolies and unfair competition I've been immersing myself in since last week, I chanced upon this poem by ee cummings which I've always loved, and which I haven't read since college. It's just one of those things that make any day infinitely better. Don't get me wrong, I like what I do. I love my job and the perks that go with it. It's just that sometimes, I wonder whether I'm on the right track in terms of my priorities in life, whether I'm focusing as much as I should on the things and the people who really matter in the grand scheme of things. Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe I'm just scared that my grandmother (who turned 79 today) is. It's not a very farfetched idea that we may lose her soon. She's not exactly the healthiest person in the world, although she's doing pretty good for her age. I don't know. Mama's been preparing us for the eventuality of her passing away. Yesterday, my cousin had this dream about my mom which essentially involved Mama passing away. Mama had a dream that she died, and was telling one of her sisters to visit her. I HAVE been making it a point since college to spend as much time with Mama as I possibly can, to listen to her stories and write them down as well as my vocabulary will take me, and generally to make up for the time I lost after my mom died and we only got to spend a few days a year with her in Baguio. I've been a good granddaughter, I think. I have my fits of selfishness, of course. I won't even attempt to deny that, but I've gone as my moral and emotional fiber (and my finances) will take me when it comes to my relationship with Mama is concerned. As I was telling my Tita a few weeks ago, I don't know how I'm going to handle another death in the family. When my mom died, I had the resilience of youth, and my entire family to back me up, among other things. Now, I have responsibilities beyond my reasonable comprehension. Many of my closest friends and family have left for abroad, some have passed away. And I don't think I'm as resilient as I used to be. Maybe it's too pre-emptive of me, but I want to plan ahead as to how I'm going to deal with that eventuality. The thing is, I don't know. I just don't know. And now I have to get back to my memo. In any case, this made my day a bit brighter: somewhere i have never travelled
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond any experience, your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look will easily unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending; nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility: whose texture compels me with the color of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing (i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens; only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands -ee cummings