'Twas the night before Christmas (As you've never read it before)

I'm still psyching myself up for the day. Bear with me.

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas,
there did occur at a


certain parcel of improved real property (hereinafter
"the House"), a


general lack of stirring by all creatures therein,
including, but not


limited to, a mouse.


A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stockings, socks,
etc., had been affixed


by and around the chimney in said House in the hope
and/or belief that St.


Nick, a.k.a. St. Nicholas, a.k.a. Santa Claus
(hereinafter "Claus") would


arrive at some time thereafter.


The minor residents, i.e., the children, of the
aforementioned House were


located in their individual beds and were engaged in
nocturnal


hallucinations, i.e., dreams, wherein visions of
confectionery treats,


including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or
sugar plums, did


dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.


Whereupon, the party of the first part (sometimes
hereinafter referred to


as "I"), being the joint owner in fee simple
of the House with the party


of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"),
and said Mamma had retired for a


sustained period of sleep; (At such time, the parties
were clad in various


forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.)


Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there
did occur upon the


unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to
said House, i.e., the


lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause
and/or circumstance.


The party of the first part did immediately rush to a
window in the House


to investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that
time, the party of


the first part did observe, with some degree of
wonderment and/or


disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the
Vehicle") being pulled


and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by
approximately eight (8)


reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and
in fact was, the


previously referenced Claus.


Said Claus was providing specific direction,
instruction, and guidance to


the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically
identified the


animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer,
Prancer, Vixen, Comet,


Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (hereinafter, both
individually and


collectively, "the Deer"). (Upon information
and belief, it is further


asserted that an additional co-conspirator named
"Rudolph" may have been


involved.)


The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the
Vehicle and the Deer


intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of
several residences


located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House,
and noted that the


Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys, and
other items of unknown


origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation
or permission,


either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the
House, and Claus


entered said House via the chimney.


Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was
partially covered with


residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack
containing a portion


of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other
unknown items. He was


smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in
blatant violation


of local ordinances and health regulations.


Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the
stockings of the


minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney,
with toys and other


small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute
"gifts" to said


minors pursuant to the applicable provisions of the
U.S. Tax Code.)


Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side
of his nose and flew,


rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to
the roof where the


Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as
"lookouts." Claus immediately


departed for an unknown destination.


However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer,
and Claus from said


House, the party of the first part did hear Claus
state and/or exclaim:


"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good
night!" or words to that effect.


P.S.


Most if not some lawyers are paid per word or per page in
every pleading they accomplish for their clients. The use of Latin and
highfalutin words tend to raise their rate. Cheers!!!

--> Actually, as far as I know, many charge by the tenth of an hour spent working on it.