Rant for the day

I take it personally when people remember me only when they need something from me. I take even more offense when the person/s involved happen to be related to me. It is frankly very disappointing when in the midst of asking me for a favor, and not a very legal one at that, I somehow find myself at the receiving end of a not-so-thinly-nor-well-veiled hint that I should be responsible somehow for certain individuals, and that I am somehow remiss in such imaginary duties. While it may admittedly be selfish of me, distancing myself from a very unstable little miasma, a seemingly incessant cacophony, I have found it preferable, and yes, even necessary, for my emotional and psychological health.

Simply put, certain people were driving me insane, and I decided to take a step back from the whole thing. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

In my defense, I HAVE tried to be a responsible little underling. Long story short, it didn't work.

For a long time, in blatant defiance of my better judgment, I sacrificed all the resources I had--time, money, my emotional and psychological health...I even in effect put my career on the line--trying to be the definition of a responsible member of the family. I felt compelled to do so, and though my wallet, my bank account and my body told me it wasn't feasible, I persevered when the people who should have been there were not. I finally came to the end of my hyper-extended rope when I had to bite my tongue, literally, and stick my head in the toilet (not literally), to NOT lash back in response to a long litany of allegations grounded on something I maintain I did not do. I convinced myself it was beneath me to descend to that level. I may as well be disbarred for all the indignity that would have required me to channel. At that point, I had to put my foot down. Frankly, I just couldn't take it anymore. I just would not have been able to live with myself if I had allowed myself to be treated that way. And I have been infinitely happier and more content with my life since then.

Until today. Until that phone call.

I don't know why it even bothers me in the least bit. I've been anticipating the backlash for a while.
Oh well. Whatever. I guess the most important part is that the people who matter understand why I do what I do, and why I refuse to do what I have not done. I don't think I need to explain or to defend myself to anybody.

Maintaining a relationship is a two-way street. I don't see why everyone seems to be blaming me. I am not anybody's keeper. I know I'm more emotionally stable than certain people I refer to, but it doesn't mean I have to bear more than my fair share of the responsibility pie. I also do not get why I sometimes sense that this subject begrudges me whatever I have accomplished in my life thusfar (which, by the way, is not much). All of this was not handed to me on a silver platter. Au contraire. I worked very hard to get where I am (which, again, seriously, is not anything to be envious of). I really just don't get it what I'm being berated for. Or maybe I do. And now I finally understand what my place is exactly. And how people see me.

And this, my friends, is precisely why the phone call was a phenomenally bad idea.