My pre-Credit midterms procrastination thing

God oh God oh God. It's almost midnight. 8 hours to go before Credit midterms...

Anyway, just a few random thoughts.

Back when I was angsty, I used to say that there are 3 things that one can be sure about in life:
1. Shit happens
2. Shit passes.
3. People change.

Well, I 'm way past all the angst, but those three absolutes are still true. Especially the third one. Oh well... It's sad but true. Some people are just so in denial that they've changed for, well, not exactly the better.

Furthermore (Hahaha!), Nico is cute but so paranoid about me. For the record, I'm fine. Besides not being in sync with the world when in comes to studying, I don't think there's anything extraordinarily wrong with me. Yet. God, the incoherence!!!

By the way, Elektra thoroughly sucked. It was just fight scenes all throughout, and they weren't even all that good.

Anyway, I've really gotta go. Nature calls.

My law school barkada =)

The best friends anyone could have. Hehe! Di nga. Maitim budhi namin lahat. That's why we all get along so well. We get on each other's nerves sometimes, especially when it comes to teasing and pag bastusan na, but it's all good. I couldn't ask for a better batch of brats.

Why I am never walking around U.P. after dark again

Of all the luck in the world... Last night was the only time I went to Property class without my trusty sidekick Oggs. And last night was the first night I had to walk alone in the dark from Malcolm to the jeepney stop because I couldn't get a cab from the sidestreet. It was really, and I mean REALLY dark, and the only people around were, well, let's just say preoccupied with themselves in the Sunken Garden. Thing is, I'm not normally such a scaredy cat, but for some reason, maybe because I was wearing a skirt, and it was past 9pm, really dark, and in U.P., that godforsaken campus. Anyway, I was trying to walk as fast as I could in my new white sandals that were never made for long distance travel on foot, when I noticed this oily dark guy of average height eyeing me from across the street somewhere around the Econ to BAA stretch. He crossed the street diagonally from the little store, threw away his half-burned cigarette and walked towards me, and, of all the gimmicks of evil people nowadays, asked for the time in this really suspicious voice, and started moving closer. Good thing I didn't stop to think of whether or not this guy was REALLY asking for the time though. I practically ran to the better-lit jeepney stop where there were people standing in line. I remember him telling me not to be scared, blah blah. Well, who cares? Who the hell crosses the street diagonally in the middle of the night to ask for the time from a girl walking alone when there were more people on the other side of the street? I don't even want to think about it. I was just in a state of shock and panic all the way home. I was still shaking when I got home. I mean, nothing REALLY happened, but it was a close call. It was like that time when Chi and I had the unfortunate experience of riding a cab home with a sex-crazed taxi driver who would NOT stop talking about his sexcapades with passengers. Shit, that time talaga, we went down na even before we got to the dorm. I couldn't even walk after. I just cried because I felt so dirty. Nothing happened, really, but it's just so degrading. This time around, I learned my lesson. I am NOT going to Property class and walking alone in the dark in U.P. ever again. If Oggs cuts, I cut. Para if ever we get held up, I'll leave him to the evil people's mercy and run for my life. I'll call the police or whoever, of course, but after I save myself. Hehe! Nah. Just kidding. Lesson learned. Never walk alone around U.P. after dark. Ever.

I just want to crawl under a rock and die.

Okay. Turns out last weekend was completely utterly fucked up time. Arggh. I just can't stand myself right now. It's official. I'm the worst person I've ever had the worst luck to come across. Without going into excruciatingly yucky detail, to summarize my weekend, BUMMER. I'm so bad. I really can't stand myself. Honest, I'm by far the worst person to walk the planet. If only I could just crawl under a rock or a huge fungus-infested boulder somewhere and die of some dreaded infectious and terribly lethal disease, I'd gladly accept. I'd pay you to kill me. Stick a gun in my face and blow my brains out. Just make it painless. Please. Or maybe not. I deserve it. I'm just utterly and completely despicable. God!

Anyway, minus the part I just want to get hypnotized to forget about, which for decency's sake, I won't even attempt to mention or to allude to during the entirety of this entry, I spent the weekend bumming around the condo watching movies: Life is Beautiful, Love Actually, Laws of Attraction, Shrek 2 and The Insider. I won't even pretend to be even half as much of a movie guru as some people I know. The only conclusion I got out of the whole weekend is, as the song goes, "I need love, the kind that makes you wanna live, the kind that makes you wanna breathe, the kind that makes the world go round." I miss having someone to hold and to hug, to be held and to be hugged by, to text with or talk to on the phone, to laugh with (or at), to just sit with when both of us have absolutely no idea what to do, you know, someone to love and be loved by. It's not that I miss my ex or whatever. That's so over. I'm so over the whole thing. And it's not about anyone in particular. Well, there IS this one new guy, but that's completely out of the picture. I think the odds of the two of us getting together are even less than the odds that I'll graduate summa cum laude from law school. I swear, if this new guy even asks me out, I'll become a devout Catholic. Oh well... So anyway, there. I don't know. Maybe it's Valentine's Day blues. Or Singles' Awareness Day, as it's more popularly known. And my 22nd birthday's coming up. Another one I'm spending alone... No one's going to show up at my doorstep with flowers, or take me out to a nice quiet dinner. Or make me dinner. Or even just go to the mall with me to watch a movie. I mean, yeah, I have fun with my friends naman, and I couldn't ask for a better or rowdier bunch of brats (Hehe!) but it's just different, not better, just different, to have someone special there. Sigh!

Bring on the angst!!!

Anyway, bring on the angst.

I really do need a break. I'm so fed up with doing the same shit everyday, of living and breathing and talking shit shit shit and more shit. Arggh! I need a pleasant distraction. Please, God, send me a distraction!!!

My post-hogging tables at Cello's thoughts

So. Another weekend. This is bound to be fun. Credit class lasted all of an hour or so, considerably less time than it took me to prepare for school today. What a waste of effort to get dressed and all. Oh well. I'm not complaining though. If only every day in law school were like this. Hehe! So anyway, after a protracted Credit class, Nico and I hitched a ride home with Jen. I was craving for something sweet so I headed over to Cello's for a doughnut. Well, okay, two doughnuts. (Waistline expanding by the second...) After hogging tables at Cello's (I wasn't feeling up to the task of walking the -ahem- distance home to the condo, so I immersed myself in today's issue of the Inquirer. Incidentally, I came across an article by Isagani Cruz about a stupid Congressman with a Georgetown degree in something whose wallet---Louis Vuitton!!! plus P7,500 cash and a P50.000 bearer bond!!!---got picked when he so smartly brought so much moolah to, well, Bilibid. Smart move, A-hole!!! So anyway, there was this article about Prince Harry, that ugly S.O.B., who raised a lot of eyebrows, and very understandably negative Jewish sentiment, when he wore a Nazi armband, uniform etc. to a party. Another smart A-hole. Common sense doesn't seem to come with people's packages nowadays. Harhar! Oh well, I'm one to talk!) So anyway, to finish my sentence, after hogging tables over at Cello's, I bought a pack of Marlboro menthols and hopped over to National Bookstore where my ATM card almost got consumed by two famished machines. God in heaven, when you're broke, nothing seems to work for you. So anyway, I looked around for interesting books that I could afford and after finally coming to terms with the fact that I couldn't afford anything even if I wanted anything, I skipped out of there gracefully, smiling all the way for no particular reason, and trudged (So many synonyms for walk noh? Hehe!) to Video City and rented myself 64 pesos' worth of vcd's. Which basically translates into starvation for the weekend. I got Shrek 2 (who incidentally looks like my ex. And no, I'm not being bitter. He DOES look like L.A. Everybody says so. So does Vandolph. Oh well... I hope he doesn't run across my blog anytime soon...) Anyway, I got Shrek 2, Laws of Attraction (As if I haven't had enough of law school to last me ten lifetimes!), Love Actually (Which I hear is good. For my weekend's sake, and for my peace of mind, I hope it is.), Life is Beautiful (Food for my oh so uncultured soul.), and The Insider (to feed my longing for Al Pacino. Oh Diaz... Sigh!) Anyway, so there. Now I'm back in the building where I predict I'll be holed up for the next 3 years of my life, alone. Sob! If only this guy I've been pining over would finally make a concrete move and stop shoving incoherent gestures of appreciation and semi-flirtation in my direction and FINALLY, FINALLY (!!!) make up his mind and PLEASE (!!!) translate all this mumbo-jumbo into something even remotely concrete and capable of pecuniary estimation, oops, I meant capable of comprehension. Hehe! I love Teddy Te. Wala lang. So there. After this, I'm off to the condo to tidy up a bit and bum around til law school bangs on my doorstep again Monday morning. Oh, by the way, I rearranged my clothes last weekend. Hehe! All my going out stuff is now in one cabinet, and all my towels, sheets, pj's, and house clothes are in the other one. Pretty neat, if you ask me. Nico can relate, I'm sure. He won't be able to sweep the dust from under MY feet. So there.

Still broke...

I'm still feeling the repercussions of my shopping rampage of two weeks ago. Has it been two weeks? It feels like forever that I've been struggling on my basic allowance... I got called for Admin again today. I seem to have developed a knack for getting called for cases I didn't read... Anyway, I had lunch in World Topps / Bento Box with the barkada: Chi, Jen, Lianne, Nico, Mia, Oggs and Daisy. Yep, first time in so long that we were complete. I also finally managed to refurbish my toiletries supplies today (I just got back from Rustan's / Mercury), although now I think I'll be living on 7-11 siopao for the rest of the month... AND I think I'll be spending the entire weekend home like I did last weekend. I'll probably be cleaning the condo, arranging and rearranging my stuff, reading non-school stuff, etcetera. Oh well. Bahala na lang.

On another note, I'm finally getting out of the condo tonight. I'm drinking with Jen, Chi, Punch, Leo Singson and two of Leo's blockmates in City Jam, that little bar across the street from Tapika along the Katipunan Extension.

My friends and I are considering tutoring Koreans for a living. Hehe! We're all broke, see, and we all need the extra moolah. Lianne and I are also thinking of applying for the RA position Ma'am Beth is offering. As for Lianne, she says she needs something to keep her busy now that she's dropped Avena's CivPro class. And as for me, I just really need the money. I don't know what my schedule will be like if ever I do get accepted, but I have to make time, seeing as I'm probably the most broke person in the world right now.

Just to illustrate how indiscriminately I've been spending lately, in the midst of my non-richness, I force-squeezed a movie and dinner out yesterday afternoon / last night with Oggs, Nico, Lianne, Mia and Daisy in Rob East. We watched Kung Fu Hustle, well, except for Daisy, who opted for Ocean's Twelve instead. And then my laundry's quite another story! Imagine 3 thick heavy towels, two sets of sheets, blankets and pillowcases plus two weeks' worth of clothes. It all added up, to thankfully, below 400. It cost me 250, but for someone who's not exactly laden with extra cash, that's a lot.

So anyway, that's my week so far.

After A Veneto, before I jog...

My god, I'm absolutely horrified with how slow the internet connection is tonight!!!

Anyway, moving on to better and brighter things, after a few months' respite, we (Nico, Oggs, Chi, Lianne, Mia, Jen and I) spent yet another afternoon pigging out, people-bashing et.al. in A Veneto (Visayas). (Read: PESTO, PESTO, PESTO!!!) And tonight, I'm going jogging again. I'm trying to balance my lifestyle, see, and this is the only thing I can think of that I can actually afford and that I can REALLY do on a regular basis without cheating. Harhar!

By the way, I'm just writing this while waiting for the other window to refresh, so don't expect this to make any sense. Not that the rest of what I write makes ANY sense at all... Should I turn on the angst full blast? Haha! Nah, I don't think so. I'm SO over the whole me against the world angst thing. And I'm not into anything special right now, so...this is just going to be about me, my life, the more-or-less most basic mundane things that make up my day, etcetera etcetera. To cut the crap short, it's pretty much stuff that only I would want to read. Haha!

Aside: Good God! I'm absolutely horrified!!! It's so goddamned slow!!! It's like sitting in ObliCon class all over again!!!

NOTE TO SELF: Need more physical activity.

So there. I'm going jogging around Ateneo na. If anyone wants to join me, just holler.

On my semi-reformed self

Yes, I'm officially a reformed person. I spent the entire weekend, I'm not kidding, in the condo. BUT, I stress, I wasn't THAT productive. Saturday afternoon after Credit class, I went straight home, took a shower then slept til kingdom come. I just made my digest, played Sinatra the whole night and tried to organize and reorganize my stuff, which isn't really all that hard, since I'm obsessive-compulsive, and in MY world, there's always a time and a place for everything, and deviation isn't really all that common except during those very few instances when I get bored and set a new routine or order for my life or my stuff.

So anyway, my life plan right now is to clean up my act and get rid of all excess baggage, emotional, physical (harhar!), and whatever else there is. I'm going to be living on bare necessities, financially and all else, literally and figuratively speaking. I figure I've been living a FAR too complicated life and a FAR too muddled up schedule. I just want to clean everything up, have clean defined lines and boundaries, and have those in mind whatever I do. I just figured you know, I don't owe the world anything, and the world doesn't owe me anything. No need for melodrama here. Whatever goes. Whenever. Wherever. Maybe spontaneity is the key to the new me, to a happier, simpler life.

Oh yeah, I saw Ocean's Twelve with Lorraine last night. I ran into Troy in Gateway too. He was with his brother Travis, his mom and his brother's girlfriend, I think... Anyway, it was nice seeing him again. Last time I saw him was right around L.A.'s birthday last year, if I remember things right... Which brings me to the thought of MY BIRTHDAY... Man, I'm turning 22!!! Old. Ancient. History. Good Lord. And I haven't done anything with my life yet. I know, I technically still AM in school, and there isn't much room to move about in. It's just weird that at almost-22 I'm still financially dependent on my dad. Not that I'm complaining. I mean, I like the idea, but I detest the hassle and responsibility of living alone. I want to be able to get my own car, my own apartment, even if just in some hole-in-the-wall place like that hellhole we used to live in behind Pizza Hut. I want to be able to drive around town at 2am and not give a damn. And yeah, I want to be able to drive to SOMEONE's place, disturb his peace of mind, give him a piece of mine, and watch the sunrise together. I was just talking with Sands about the last episode of Sex and the City. I haven't seen it, but from what I heard, I love Carrie and Big's story the best. It's not the sickeningly sweet kinda love, whatever that is. (NOTE: I've been having issues about the word lately. I've finally come to terms with the fact that I basically have NO IDEA what it is. So I'd rather not use it. Let me just occasionally substitute it with a more concrete term like "care" or "sympathy" or "empathy" or "concern".) It's real, it's dysfunctional, but it works. It's not the kind to swoon over or to get swept up to the high heavens with. It's the day-to-day kind of relationship that sends chills down one's spine then breaks it in half the next split-second. Yes, obviously, I'm a masochist. After all these years, I've also come to terms with that. Ask Nico and Sands about it. It's true.

So anyway, I just wanted to rant.

Shopping rampage day

I"M SO BROKE. I went on a shopping rampage yesterday. It was tiring but then again, that's the best kinda tired anyone can be. I bought crosstrainers, black stilettos, white ballet flats, 3 shirts, tons of ankle socks for my nth New Year's Resolution, the Rod Steward cd I've been wanting forever, a blank cd and a red crocheted brooch. The best possible form of exercise is walking from one end of Megamall to the other a few times, systematically scanning the first 3 or 4 floors for good deals and the occasional impulse buy. After the rampage, I sat down for a while in Starbucks to wait for Kiel. My feet were aching and my arms were shaking from the weight of my, um, purchases, but I was satisfied.

Oh yeah, we ran into Althea (Ambida) from high school too. It was such a shock seeing someone from high school again. Kiel and I spent hours scanning the Robinson's Lipa crowd for people from La Salle but to no avail. Well, almost, anyway. Neither of us were really that close to Thea but it was just so nostalgic that it didn't cross our minds at that time.

So there. I just lunched with Nico, Lianne and Jen in Ken Afford, another nostalgic place. Haven't been out with them in a while... We were supposed to watch a movie today but things got muddled up in the chaos of law school. And nothing good is showing anyway.

I ALSO just had my eyebrows done, cost me another 150 pesos, so now I'm sure I'll starve to death for the rest of the week na talaga. Plus I just learned I have a 6-8pm Property class tonight with Sir Labitag. Darn. And I planned my day pa naman with NO CLASSES in mind. I haven't studied pa for tomorrow... Oh well. I guess that means no sleep nanaman tonight. The aftermath of my shopping rampage...

Random quote

"It is not by accident that the happiest people are those who make a conscious effort to live useful lives. Their happiness . . . is not a shallow exhilaration where life is one continuous intoxicating party. Rather, their happiness is a deep sense of inner peace that comes when they believe their lives have meaning and that they are making a difference for good in the world." -- Ernest FitzgeraldCurrently Playing: Josh Groban

Sigh!

And yet another mistakenly romantic notion... God... I just realized today that I don't like him as much as I thought I did. Or in the way that I thought I did. Oh well. This is how things go for me I guess. I don't fall easily, but when I fall, I hit the ground and go straight through to the other side of the world, breaking all my bones and losing my mind in the process. Well, hey, that's me. It's all or nothing. Either it's there or it's not. In this case, I guess it's not. Back to the drawing board then...

Some of my oh-so-incoherent thoughts for the day...

Well, it's back to law school for me... I had a great Christmas break though. Two weeks of no school stuff is probably the closest I can get to heaven right now. I ran into a couple of old friends too. I met up with Kiel in Lipa a few days after I got home and we did a little catching up while scanning the Robinson's Lipa crowd for familiar faces from high school or whenever. We ran into K.C. Reyes (who was with her mom, and her brother, I think), Ma'am Patty, Sir Basco, Ma'am Blanco and Sir Morris in Pizza Hut, Sir Villanueva and Ma'am Fe somewhere in the Frio Mixx vicinity, and a couple of other high school people I can't really place right now. I also ran into Dianne's parents a few days before New Year's. No wonder she hasn't been texting back, she's in Mississippi pala and won't be back til January 7th.

I also took the opportunity during the two week break from my oh-so-hectic life as a professional student to bond with my 8-month-old baby brother. That was fun. I was never really into kids before but I think I'm kinda developing a knack for dealing with babies and toddlers. Haha! Who would've thought? It's just weird when I remember that I'm 21 years older than him. I mean, he could be MY kid! Oh well. I don't plan on having any in the next couple of years so I guess he'll be my boytoy na lang. Haha!

So anyway... I'm so lost. I just got back from Lipa yesterday afternoon, and I'm already feeling homesick. A little anyway. I miss Marcus, my baby brother, and my dad, and everybody. And the food!!! And I SOOOOO do not miss studying. But if they're going to kick me out of UP Law, they're going to drag me out kicking and screaming. Last night, I spent 8 hours trying to finish the Labor cases, but I finally gave up trying around 2am and slept til kingdom come. I crammed after we got back from TUCP, but I STILL didn't finish em in time for class. Lucky me I didn't get called today. So as a token of gratitude to whoever for my fantastic luck, I volunteered to write our Labor paper proposal tonight, since everybody else, except Chi has CivPro tomorrow. Oh that evil witch! (As if!)

I made myself a couple of New Year's pseudo-resolutions too.

1. I'll TRY not to cut class.
2. I'll TRY not to be late for class.
3. I'll TRY to be prepared for class na.
4. I'll TRY to keep normal sane hours.
5. I'll TRY to get some exercise regularly. (I'm getting meself new crosstrainers tomorrow. My dad gave me money to buy a pair for Christmas.)
6. I'll DEFINITELY take things a LOT less seriously this year. Fly / travel light.

I'm pretty sure I'll be able to keep that last one. The first five, like I said, I'll TRY.

Just so things don't get mixed up, Marcus is my baby brother.