Post Hotel Rwanda bleeh blah bloooh blech

Uber stressful movie, but really good. Have to go see it again though. I think tumaas nanaman grade ng eyes ko. Talk about racism, from the back of the classroom, I could only tell whether the actors were black or white! Gawd. This is bad. Really bad.

Movie afterthought: Yes, I'm a bit of a racist like everyone else I know, but not to the point of genocide.

Anyway, lucky lucky day, I didn't get called for class. Although I did wake up feeling really sucky this morning. I had this godawful blood and gore dream involving samurai guys on horseback and full gear (Think The Last Samurai minus Tom Cruise.). The last scene involved a delivered dish, some sort of meat concoction. I was with 2 other girls, and when they lifted the lid off the pot, they started bawling like crazy, and I kinda had this incredulous look on my face which basically said WHA?!!! And then I woke up and realized I had yet to write my digest for PIL AND study for Nego AND that awful awful PIL.

Reminder: Buy a rubber flopper. Apparently, that's what the rubber stopper thing in the toilet tank is called. We're paying more for water now than for electricity, all because of a leaky tank. Horrible!

So anyway, I'm here playing on my roommate's paranoia about my self-actualization practices. (or more appropriately, NON-PRACTICE. Yet another awful thing. Haha! Well, that's life.) (Thanks for the term Marie! See, I give credit when it's due, and to whom it's due. IPL! Harhar! As if!) Self-actualization. Hey Marie, that's my goal for the year. Haha!

So there. Back to work. We're having Teddy Te tomorrow. Evidence and Succession. Hope I don't end up narcoleptic again like last week. Gotta get some sleep.

Last things

LAST LETTER OF YOUR NAME: E

LAST HAIRCUT: 3 weeks ago, and I'm still cursing the person who cut my hair.

LAST CRY: Can't remember... My tear ducts have disintegrated, I think.

LAST SWEAR: 5 minutes ago? Really bad habit.

LAST SONG HEARD: That godawful song I've finally found someone. RIchard Gomez was singing it on tv. Eww...

LAST WATCHED TV SHOW:The Buzz. Hehe! Chismis addict.

LAST WEBSITE: Yahoo Mail. Had to send Lianne something for Winlaw.

LAST YELL: Can't remember. I get irritated when people yell.

LAST MOVIE: Finding Neverland (Yes, 2 months ago.) I haven't been out much lately. I've been finding it more preferable to stay home and get some sleep.

LAST RECEIVED CALL: Troy (Monsod), late last night / early this morning.

LAST DIALLED CALL: Mama. =)

LAST BATH: 5 minutes ago. Bango bango ng lotion ko. =) Happiness.

LAST FIST FIGHT: Never been involved in one. Though there are SOME people I'd love to beat the living daylights out of.

LAST CLUBBING PLACE: Not my scene...

LAST HARD-LAUGH: 2 hours ago. Something Ngangi said.

LAST TIME YOU FELT SICK: Uh, now... I think I've been pushing myself too hard too often.

LAST EXERCISE: I cleaned up the condo earlier today. Does that count?

LAST TIME YOU HAD CRUSHES: I'm hopeless when it comes to these things. Haha!

LAST TIME YOU FELL DEEPLY IN LOVE: I fell in love with the condo after I finished cleaning. =p As for the real thing, eons ago.

LAST FOOD EATEN: Uberduber huge banana. Lorraine brought an entire bundle home.

LAST DRINK: Water. Can't stand softdrinks.

LAST TIME YOU BOUGHT A VCD/DVD: Long time ago. Though the barkada got pirated cd's from Jen last week. Hehe!

LAST PERSON YOU KISSED: Kiss-kissed? I'm not at liberty to disclose. Hehe! But it was a LOOOOOONG time ago. Darn.

LAST TAKEN PHOTO OF YOURSELF: Few days ago, in a facial mask. Awful awful horrible hilarious sight.

LAST THING SAID ONLINE: See ya.

LAST TIME YOU GOT ANGRY: I don't get mad. I get even. =p

LAST TIME YOU BROKE A GLASS: LOOOONG time ago. I'm very careful, see?

LAST MALL YOU WENT TO: Podium, last weekend, to study in Figaro.

LAST TIME YOU TRIPPED AND FELL: I distinctly remember I was jogging around 9pm on a Thursday night my junior year in college. Really dark spot in front of Berchmans where the pavement was raised about 2 inches higher than the previous section. Lights were dead, didn't see it. Ended up with scraped knees.

LAST PERSON YOU MISSED: -ahem- Sorry. No can tell.

LAST TIME YOU WENT OUT WITH FRIENDS: Dinner the other day with Nico and Marie in Ken Afford.

LAST PLACE YOU WENT TO: School.

LAST TIME YOU PRAYED: Last night, before I slept.

LAST PERSON WHO WROTE YOU A TESTI: Mark Belmonte, few months ago.

LAST PERSON YOU WROTE A TESTI FOR: Joven, last night.

LAST PERSON WHO SENT YOU A MESSAGE THROUGH FRIENDSTER: Marlon (Martinez) [Hi Marlon! =)

More rainy day blah

The world is against me. I just confirmed it earlier today. For the nth time, I was the first one who got called for yet another class, this time Tax 1. It was ok naman, I mean, it wasn't brilliant, but I wasn't a complete and total 'tard either. It's just such a shitty thing to be the first one in the hot seat. For the past 2 years I've been in law school, I've never been the first victim or the initial sacrificial lamb. My fate has been dramatically altered. Now I'm THE honorary bitchslapped guinea pig for the law school gods. Murphy's Law gone wild, I tell you. Gawd, the horror of it all. Jude Ocampo's kid was really cute though. 7 months. The epitome of innocence. Sigh. Wonder how my baby brother is doing. He may have learned a few more words since the last time I was there. I've been trying to teach him to say schmuck... Seems too much for the teeny tiny little kiddo though.

Hah. There's this really big dense dark raincloud hanging over my head. Almost literally. I mean, I can almost sense the thunder and lightning building up around there. And this is SO not PMS. And don't even bother to ask why, as I won't bother with the details. As for the raincloud, it's been lingering over my existence for a couple of weeks now and is showing no sign of even skidding an inch to the left or to the right, or wherever else but here. Gawd. It's just NOT the season to be jolly. And a lot of my friends are in the same downcycle. So put two and two together, and you get a tornado-infested -slash- thunder-and-lightning -slash- hurricane-ridden minefield of sorrow and despair and law school and Winlaw and argggh!!! When will it ever end?!! Add all THAT to the ambivalence of this freak I've been hung up on for the longest time, it all adds up to pure and simple insanity. It's one of those days when I could just curl up under my blanket and sleep for eternity, never crawl out from under my sheets, and never even dream or wish to see the light of day. And that is exactly what I plan to do in a few minutes after I take a good long cold shower. (Happy thought: I bought myself another bottle of lotion. My personal space in the condo is now a veritable lotion and cologne and body wash and everything else partay. Note that I can scrimp on food and fare and clothes but not on lotion and all that.)

God knows I could use a beer or two, a good long sigh, a good long cry, a good long laugh, a good long shout/scream, a pair of boxing gloves and someone to beat up. All this pent up shit (though not literally, mind you) is getting to me. I need to get it all out. Have to get everything over and done with. And when it's over, I'll go fly a kite in Ateneo til kingdom come. When all hell breaks loose, I'll bear the brunt of it, drown in the blows and come out laughing. Sigh. I just want to be happy again. I miss those days when I was on a natural high in the midst of finals week and all. I swear, these days will be the death of me.

While you guys were in Transpo class... [the sequel]

1. The last movie you watched?
Finding Neverland. (and that was like 2 months ago!!!)

2. The last tv show you watched?
Insider. I wanted to see Dong Puno before I slept. Hehe!

3. The last song you heard?
That Kelly Clarkson song.

4. The last thing you bought?
Lechon Kawali from Ken Afford: dinner last night with Nico and Marie. =)

5. The last place you went to?
Sadly, the lib.

6. The last food you ate?
Winlaw pakain food. Yum yum! =)

7. The last thing you heard from your parents?
"Naglunch ka na? Love you. Ingat."

8. The last thing you said to your parents?
"Yes dad. Love you."

9. The last thing you said to one of your friends?
To Mario: "Yes, I'm cutting. Good luck, good luck!"

10. The last book you read?
School book: Evidence (Bautista)
Non-school book: Book 5 of A Series of Unfortunate Events

Who was:

1. The last person you called?
Mama, my bratita lola. =) Just checking on her.

2. The last person who called you?
Jen Ong. Can't remember what about...

3. The last person you texted?
Mario. =)

4. The last person who texted you?
Mario din. =) To tell me he wasn't feeling well and that he might not go to Transpo class. As it turned out, I ended up cutting, HE ended up going to class.

5. The last person who said good night last night?
Nobody said good night, I fell asleep while we were watching the evening news, and woke up panicking at 11am.

6. The last person who said i love you?
Si -ahem-. Hehe! Nah. Can't remember if it was Mama or my dad or Ate Shirley or Ate Tina.

7. The last person you wrote you a testimonial?
Mark Belmonte. Few months ago.

8. The last person who sent u a msg in friendster?
Yna Macasaet. To tell me her younger brother is in UP Law.

9. The last person you hugged?
Mama.

10. The last person you saw on tv?
Dong Puno. Hehe! Fell asleep while we were watching the evening news.

Do You?

1. Believe that love is forever?
If it's real, yes.

2. Get hurt by people easily?
Sometimes. But I'm generally emotionally stable. ;p

3. Believe that all people are generally good?
Yep. It's still always a shock to hear about premeditated / spontaneous evil shenanigans. Seriously.

4. Can you be anyone you want to be?
I wish!

5. Do mean people make you sad?
Yes... =( And then I get mad.

6. Does ice cream make you happy?
Never fails. Ice cream, chocolate, and well, food in general.

7.Do you sing in the shower?
Yep. I play my favorite cd's and sing along while I'm in the shower. =)

8. When it rains, do you like to splash in the puddles?
Only when I'm appropriately dressed for the occasion, there are no pending trips / errands,and I like the person I'm with.

9. If you see a cute guy/girl walk down the street, do you smile and tell him/her that he/she is cute?
Nope. Who does?

10. Do you notice when people have beautiful eyes?
Yep. That and other things. I'm a sucker for smart eloquent guys who happen to have the right kind of voice and the right kinda humor. (Sigh!)

11. Have you ever cried at a movie?
Yep. Who doesn't diba?

12. Is it cute when old people are holding hands?
Awww... definitely!

13. Are you a happy person?
Generally, yes. But lately, no.

14. Do you tend not to worry even when you know something bad is about to happen?
Well, sometimes...

15. Is it fine to cut Barbie's hair?
No. I learned it the hard way when I was around 3. It is SO not a good idea to shampoo your Barbie's hair. And it is an even worse idea to cut it. It
does NOT grow back! And ugly hair is the worst curse ever. Even for a Barbie.

16. Have you ever laughed so hard that your stomach hurt?
Haha, yes! But I haven't had a good laugh in a while.

18. Are you slightly lazy?
Depends. When it comes to studying, yeah, kinda. But anything else, nope.

19. Do you like to drive with the windows down?
I have yet to REALLY learn to drive, although I did drive around Bel field a few times when I was in college. But I like sitting in the passenger seat when -ahem- is driving with the windows down. ;p

20. Are you in love?
I wouldn't call it that exactly... It's too soon and too much of an exaggeration.

While you guys were in Transpo class...

Now I know browsing through Friendster was not a good idea. I'm in an oddly nostalgic state tuloy.

I've been getting in touch again with friends from way back. I'm talking Kindergarten, grade school, high school, WAY back. It's fascinating how much people can change in a few years. But it's sad that I've missed out on so much. As have they. And these are people I remember sharing really good moments with. People who bore witness to some of my worst and most embarrassing scenes. (Gawd.) And people I remember having shared so much of my life with. I know, I know, I'm being impossible again. But hey, it's raining outside. I have an excuse.

I just realized how many people I've NOT been seeing. Cutting someone off from my life, I inevitably and understandably ended up shutting out so many other people whom I'd much rather have back. It was a difficult choice I had to make, and may I add, took me a good couple of months to to decide on, and looking back, I know I was right to do what I did. I can't say life is much better now, but I'd have to admit I got a good end of THAT deal in the end. Well, in the objective sense, at least. All the "what-if" scenarios still cross my mind once in a long drawn-out while though. My friends are going to kill me for saying that. But hey, that's how it is. My life now is so different from what it was then I could be living in an entirely different universe. New friends. New school. New condo. New guy? Haha! I wish! I don't know WHAT it is exactly. This whole dating and relationship management thing is a huge hassle if there ever was one.

My first cut

Today marked yet another milestone in my law school life. Today, I cut class for the first time this sem. Hehe! After suffering the sweltering heat and humidity in Sta.Ana yesterday in Succession class with Danny Con, I decided to forego the agony today in exchange for a leisurely day lounging around the condo. Well, not really. But Transpo's a cuttable class anyway. Plan for today: check my mail, update my blog, rewrite my Succession notes from yesterday (ugly, ugly handwriting attributable to my momentary narcolepsy), review for Tax, and whatever else I can fit in without compromising my state of mind.

So not worth reading.

Kinikilig ako!!! Waaaaaah!!!

Gloomy day...

After yet another extra long hiatus from my rambling, I'm back. If that's considered a good thing.

Today was just one of those days, if you know what I mean. I slept around 4am after an extra long cold shower to clear my head. I again did not wake up to my alarm, as usual, but I did, by some sort of divine intervention, wake up in time to prepare to go to school for this week's Winlaw officers' meeting. Do not even bother to ask. I was so lost in my thoughts today it cost me a good 90 bucks to get to school. Note that it usually costs just 50, so you can just imagine how long I spaced out and how often. I finally got to school after getting lost around UP and missing the left/right turns a couple of times, all the while getting stuck in horrendous traffic every couple of minutes. After the meeting, I headed off to Transpo class with Avila. I WAS prepared but as I had yet to submit my class card, I didn't get called. Bummer. After that, it was another couple of minutes at the lib getting Franco's reviewers and the tons of stuff I had photocopied which I HOPEFULLY WILL get to read over the sem. The free food from the Portians did nothing to ease the gloom. Then there was the G.A. Then dinner with my barkada. Saw Noel in Ken Afford. First time in a very long time, may I just add. I wonder how those guys are doing.

So there. I'm just checking my mail now before I head over to some coffee shop with Nico to study for Tax class tomorrow.

By the way, I've been spending long hours mutating in the lib lately. Due to some sort of divine intervention, I am now capable of studying in that stinky lib. Smells like my grandmother's baul, hypothetically speaking. I haven't seen that thing in a few years. And Mama only keeps it because it's really old. So anyway, weird eh? I have my motivations and hidden agenda. Most of which concerns last years miserably embarassingly low grades. I could just crawl under a rock and die of shame right now. Sophomore year has never been a good year for me in terms of grades. It has always been my lowest point. Really. Check my high school report card and my college transcript. Dismal. Abysmal. Swearable to high heavens. Bad bad bad.

Oh well. That's the end of this set. Maybe tomorrow, if I have time. Please cheer me up. Really badly in need of a good laugh and a good smile. Or maybe just a good long sigh.

Updates

I was reading through my previous posts and noticed that I've forgotten to mention that I WAS able to fly a kite. =) Quite successfully, in fact. Does 6 hours merit a round of applause? Hehe! Can't remember the date though. I just remember it was the night of the Ateneo Seniors' Blue Roast because the fireworks were as usual, really nice. I'm a sucker for stuff like that. Tried to go kite-flying again the day before I started working but the kite wouldn't cooperate so I ended up watching a movie instead. Not bad either. I was under the impression Finding Neverland was just another Peter Pan movie. I was sooooo wrong.

Anyway, school starts tomorrow... God oh God...

Lotsa kuwento but I'll save it for my next post. I've gotta go pick up my laundry. Yep, back to reality.