The world is against me. I just confirmed it earlier today. For the nth time, I was the first one who got called for yet another class, this time Tax 1. It was ok naman, I mean, it wasn't brilliant, but I wasn't a complete and total 'tard either. It's just such a shitty thing to be the first one in the hot seat. For the past 2 years I've been in law school, I've never been the first victim or the initial sacrificial lamb. My fate has been dramatically altered. Now I'm THE honorary bitchslapped guinea pig for the law school gods. Murphy's Law gone wild, I tell you. Gawd, the horror of it all. Jude Ocampo's kid was really cute though. 7 months. The epitome of innocence. Sigh. Wonder how my baby brother is doing. He may have learned a few more words since the last time I was there. I've been trying to teach him to say schmuck... Seems too much for the teeny tiny little kiddo though.
Hah. There's this really big dense dark raincloud hanging over my head. Almost literally. I mean, I can almost sense the thunder and lightning building up around there. And this is SO not PMS. And don't even bother to ask why, as I won't bother with the details. As for the raincloud, it's been lingering over my existence for a couple of weeks now and is showing no sign of even skidding an inch to the left or to the right, or wherever else but here. Gawd. It's just NOT the season to be jolly. And a lot of my friends are in the same downcycle. So put two and two together, and you get a tornado-infested -slash- thunder-and-lightning -slash- hurricane-ridden minefield of sorrow and despair and law school and Winlaw and argggh!!! When will it ever end?!! Add all THAT to the ambivalence of this freak I've been hung up on for the longest time, it all adds up to pure and simple insanity. It's one of those days when I could just curl up under my blanket and sleep for eternity, never crawl out from under my sheets, and never even dream or wish to see the light of day. And that is exactly what I plan to do in a few minutes after I take a good long cold shower. (Happy thought: I bought myself another bottle of lotion. My personal space in the condo is now a veritable lotion and cologne and body wash and everything else partay. Note that I can scrimp on food and fare and clothes but not on lotion and all that.)
God knows I could use a beer or two, a good long sigh, a good long cry, a good long laugh, a good long shout/scream, a pair of boxing gloves and someone to beat up. All this pent up shit (though not literally, mind you) is getting to me. I need to get it all out. Have to get everything over and done with. And when it's over, I'll go fly a kite in Ateneo til kingdom come. When all hell breaks loose, I'll bear the brunt of it, drown in the blows and come out laughing. Sigh. I just want to be happy again. I miss those days when I was on a natural high in the midst of finals week and all. I swear, these days will be the death of me.
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