Friday, July 25, 2008

Did you know...

Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger bought the first Hummer manufactured for civilian use in 1992. The vehicle weighed in at 6,300 lbs and was 7 feet wide.

Coca-Cola was so named back in 1885 for its two 'medicinal' ingredients: extract of coca leaves and kola nuts. As for how much cocaine was originally in the formulation, it's hard to know.

Cocaine was sold to cure sore throat, neuralgia, nervousness, headache, colds and sleeplessness in the 1880s.

Colgate claims "Tooth Fairy" as a registered trademark.

Dismal first-year sales of famous products:
1. VW Beetle (U.S.)--sold 330 first year.
2. Liquid Paper--sold 1,200 bottles first year
3. Cuisinart--sold 200 first year.
4. Remington typewriter--sold 8 first year.
5. Scrabble--sold 532 first year.
6. Coca-Cola--sold 25 bottles first year. (For total of $50; supplies and advertising ran $70.)

False eyelashes were invented by film director D.W. Griffith while he was making the 1916 epic, "Intolerance." He wanted actress Seena Owen to have lashes that brushed her cheeks.

For two years, during the 1970s, Mattel marketed a doll called "Growing Up Skipper." Her breasts grew when her arm was turned.

Gatorade was named for the University of Florida Gators where it was first developed.

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting advertising space on his cows.

In 1991 Procter & Gamble won a $75,000 lawsuit against James & Linda Newton who were found responsible for spreading rumors that the company supported the Church of Satan. The two were distributors of Amway Products, a competitor of Proctor & Gamble.

In M&M candies, the letters stand for Mars and Murrie, the developers of the candy in 1941.

In the 1700s, European women achieved a pale complexion by eating "Arsenic Complexion Wafers" actually made with the poison.

67 million pounds of pesticides and about 3 million tons of fertilizer are used annually on lawns in the US.

A single share of Coca-Cola stock, purchased in 1919, when the company went public, would have been worth $92,500 in 1997.

Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger bought the first Hummer manufactured for civilian use in 1992. The vehicle weighed in at 6,300 lbs and was 7 feet wide.

Americans consume 29 billion, or 58 percent, of the 50 billion aspirin tablets which are taken worldwide each year.

Americans spend more than $5 billion a year on cosmetics, toiletries, beauty parlors and barber shops.

Americans spent over $360 million in 1982 to avoid having bad breath.

Bayer was advertising cough medicine containing heroin in 1898.

Britain's first escalator was installed in Harrods in 1878.

BVD stands for the organizers of the company: Bradley, Voorhies, and Day.

Carbonated soda water was invented in 1767 by Joseph Priestley, the discoverer of oxygen.

Cheerios cereal was originally called Cheerioats.

Chewing gum was patented in 1869 by William Semple.

Coca-Cola was so named back in 1885 for its two 'medicinal' ingredients: extract of coca leaves and kola nuts. As for how much cocaine was originally in the formulation, it's hard to know.

Cocaine was sold to cure sore throat, neuralgia, nervousness, headache, colds and sleeplessness in the 1880s.

Colgate claims "Tooth Fairy" as a registered trademark.

Dismal first-year sales of famous products:
1. VW Beetle (U.S.)--sold 330 first year.
2. Liquid Paper--sold 1,200 bottles first year
3. Cuisinart--sold 200 first year.
4. Remington typewriter--sold 8 first year.
5. Scrabble--sold 532 first year.
6. Coca-Cola--sold 25 bottles first year. (For total of $50; supplies and advertising ran $70.)

During the Prohibition, at least 1,565 Americans died from drinking bad liquor, hundreds were blinded, and many were killed in bootlegger wars. Federal Agents and the Coast Guard made 75,000 arrests per year.

False eyelashes were invented by film director D.W. Griffith while he was making the 1916 epic, "Intolerance." He wanted actress Seena Owen to have lashes that brushed her cheeks.

For two years, during the 1970s, Mattel marketed a doll called "Growing Up Skipper." Her breasts grew when her arm was turned.

G.I. Joe was introduced at the annual American International Toy Fair in New York on Feb. 9, 1964.

Gatorade was named for the University of Florida Gators where it was first developed.

Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.

Hungarian brothers George and L"szlo Biro invented the ball point pen in 1938.

IBM's motto is 'Think.'

If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

In 1889, the 1st coin-operated telephone, patented by Hartford, Connecticut inventor William Gray, was installed in the Hartford Bank. Local calls using a coin-operated phone in the U.S. cost only 5 cents everywhere until 1951.

In 1964 General Mills began marketing Lucky Charms cereal with pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers. The marshmallow bits (technically referred to as marbits) were invented in 1963 by John Holahan. The cereal is marketed using a leprechaun character named Lucky (L.C. Leprechaun is his full name) that touts his cereal as being "Magically Delicious." Over the years the various shapes and colors of the marshmallow bits in the cereal have undergone many changes.

In 1965, LBJ enacted a law requiring cigarette manufacturers to put health warnings on their packages.

In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting advertising space on his cows.

In 1991 Procter & Gamble won a $75,000 lawsuit against James & Linda Newton who were found responsible for spreading rumors that the company supported the Church of Satan. The two were distributors of Amway Products, a competitor of Proctor & Gamble.

In 4000 BC Egypt, men and women wore glitter eye shadow made from the crushed shells of beetles.

In M&M candies, the letters stand for Mars and Murrie, the developers of the candy in 1941.

In the 1700s, European women achieved a pale complexion by eating "Arsenic Complexion Wafers" actually made with the poison.

Insulin was discovered in 1922 by Sir Frederick Banting and Dr. Charles Best.

It was the Frisbie Pie Company of Bridgeport, CT, whose name -- and lightweight pie tins -- gave birth to the modern Frisbee.

Jergens Lotion was created by Andrew Jergens, a former lumberjack, in 1880.

Kikkoman soy sauce was originated in 1630 in Japan.

Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I.

Laser stands for "light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation." Developed 1950s - 1960s.

Levi Strauss blue jeans with copper rivets were priced at $13.50 per dozen in 1874.

Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of linen.

Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

Perfume contains ethyl alcohol and 25% fragrant oils. Cologne is cheaper to produce and to purchase because the oil content in cologne is only 3%. Cologne was named for the German city in which it was first produced. The original formula combined alcohol, lemon spirits, orange bitters and mint oil.

The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth. The Butterfinger candy bar was first produced by Chicago's Curtiss Candy Co. in 1923. As an advertising ploy, candy bars were dropped from an airplane on cities in 40 states.

The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's.

The electric chair was invented by Dr. Alphonse Rockwell and was first used on William Kemmler on August 6, 1890.

The first credit card, issued in 1950, was Diner's Club. Frank X. McNamara started the company with 200 card holders.

The first safety feature for an automobile was invented in 1908 by John O'Leary. He patented a large net, to be installed on the front fender, to scoop pedestrians out of the way before they could be run over.

The first toothbrush with bristles was developed in China in 1498. Bristles were taken from hogs at first, later from horses. The nylon bristles were developed in 1938 by DuPont.

The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr. Potato Head®. Introduced in 1952.

The first US consumer product sold in the Soviet Union was Pepsi-Cola.

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

The revolving door was invented August 7, 1888, by Theophilus Van Kannel, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

The safety pin was patented in 1849 by Walter Hunt. He sold the patent rights for $400.

The soldiers of World War I were the first people to use the modern flushing toilet. The inventor: Thomas Crapper.
This sounds feasible, but isn't true!
Crapper actually invented the automatic shut-off mechanism used in the modern toilet.
"Flushable" toilets were in use in ancient Rome.

The WD in WD-40 stands for Water Displacement. It was invented on the 40th try for a formula that worked.

The word vaccine comes from the Latin word "vacca," which means cow. This name was chosen because the first vaccination was derived from cowpox which was given to a boy.

The yo-yo was introduced in 1929 by Donald F. Duncan. The toy was based on a weapon used by 16th-century Filipino hunters.

There are about 30 milligrams of caffeine in the average chocolate bar, while a cup of coffee contains around 100 to 150 milligrams.

VHS stands for Video Home System.

When Scott Paper Co. first started manufacturing toilet paper they did not put their name on the product because of embarrassment.

Wrigley's promoted their new spearmint-flavored chewing gum in 1915 by mailing 4 sample sticks to each of the 1.5 million names listed in US telephone books.

Thought/s for the day

I’ve basically been bumming around since yesterday. I finished everything I have to do so far, and I’m just waiting for everything to come crawling back to my in-tray. So anyway, lately, I’ve been seriously considering either pursuing an LLM degree or getting a second (well, third, if you count the LLB) degree, in the natural sciences (I was thinking either chemistry or physics, both of which I’ve always been very interested in pursuing a bachelor’s degree in, but my dad wouldn’t let me.), or in humanities (literature, philosophy---dannnnnng, I shouldn’t have shifted out…). So anyway, since I’ve got tons of time on my hands, and unlimited free internet access, I’ve been browsing through LLM and other post-graduate degree sites and scholarship sites, and the US State Department Student Visa site, and goddammit, I need at least 2M to go study abroad. And that’s a conservative estimate. Quoting Mondy, “ANAK ng MINATAMIS NA KAMOTENG KAHOY!!!” Exaj!!! How the hell am I supposed to come up with THAT?!!! Fulbright requires at least 2 years of work experience. Fine, maybe it’s too early anyway… I’m just craving student-dom. It’s so addicting, I swear! And the thought of studying abroad, oh boy. Freedom!!!

Well, I guess I’ll study my options first. Take the FSO exam next year. Get some work experience. Figure out how to work around the whole expense thing. AND rank the so many things I want to do:

(1) Get myself my LLM degree.

(2) Pursue further studies, preferably relating to my other interests: chemistry / physics / literature / philosophy, etc.

(3) Travel. – One of the reasons why I want to study abroad.

(4) Visit my relatives abroad.

(5) Shop.

(6) Buy a car.

(7) Get my own place

(8) Invest wisely. – which will have to be balanced vis-à-vis # 5, 6 an 7.

(9) (Reserved for future use.)

(10) (Reserved for future use.)

By 2010, I ought to have at least started on one of these. Otherwise, my life is going to the crapper keeper.

I'm 52% mean. --> From Rich

[x] I think I'm gonna have a highscore on this. I'm selectively nice.
[x] I don't talk to one or both of my parents that much. My mom's dead, and I've never been chums with my dad.
[x] I have said horrible things to someone's face. But I generally have a good temper.
[x] I give people disgusting looks sometimes. Glaring counts, I guess?
[ ] I've been known to have an attitude

[x] I took heads off dolls or action figures when I was little. I wanted to see how Barbie's doll was connected to her neck...
[x] I have destroyed something valuable on purpose. I don't think so...
[ ] Most people suck. A lot of people do, but I'd like to believe that they don't constitute MOST PEOPLE.
[ ] I have thrown total tantrums. I don't think NOT talking constitutes THROWING a tantrum.
[ ] I get mad easily. I'm generally very level-headed.

[x] I have no clue when I'm doing it. Um... Yeah...
[ ] Sometimes I order people around. I've never been bossy. I think.
[ ] I am/was known around myneighborhood as the kid everyone else doesn't want their kids hanging out with. I'm known (back home, anyway) as a good kid.
[x] I've argued with a teacher. Before law school, I did. =p
[ ] I could honestly care less about school I've always liked going to school. I actually miss it. Even law school, or at least, parts of the law school experience.

[x] I love messing with other people's heads. Rich: but karma's a bitch ... Grace: Yep.
[ ] I've been told I'm conceited.
[x] I joke around
[ ] I yell daily. I get deadly silent when I'm mad. The look says it all.
[ ] I seem to always be in a fight with someone. I try to stay out of trouble.

[x] I don't like smiling but do anyway. I don't like having to be on my best behavior most of the time. It's so boring and tiresome.
[ ] I know at least 3 people I would like to kick the crap out of.
[ ] I love pranking people.
[ ] Freaking hate a lot of people. I'm indifferent towards a lot. I don't hate them.
[x] People annoy me very easily Pretentious people, people with a superiority complex, people who have entitlement issues, yes.

[x] Some people are just flat out immature. YES THEY ARE......
[ ] I always have to get the last word. Rich, I agree, revenge is best served cold :) or left to karma
[ ] I always have the perfect comeback. I try.

GRAND TOTAL: 13
ADD UP ALL THE X's AND MULTIPLY BY 4
THEN REPOST THIS AS' I'M __% MEAN

Monday, July 21, 2008

Stella Awards

RVC forwarded this to all the lawyers in the firm earlier today:

It only proves that there is no such thing as a "stupid lawsuit"

Are there any Stellas out there?

So You can scratch Your head this morning ....

Stella Awards

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico , where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head.

So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE : Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.


6TH PLACE : Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE : Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowners insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.


Keep scratching. There are more...


4TH PLACE : Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the behind by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the bite, because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.


Grrrrr .. Scratch, scratch.


3RD PLACE : A jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tail bone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Scratch, scratch, scratch.
Hang in there; there are only two more Stella's to go...


2ND PLACE : Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.

May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please...... ..


1ST PLACE : This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first time out, she was coming home from an OU football game, she entered the freeway, set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid, or what?

Who would've figured...

I just got back from my twice a week field trip with one of the partners. Can I just say, I met the cutest lawyer guy today! Hehe! Who would've figured that they exist?!! Phew. Please wipe the smile off my face. Basta. Cute. Glasses. Kinda fair, but not mestizo. Not so tall as to be intimidating. (Hello, how short am I?!!) Not short either. Average height for a guy. Looks smart. Good diction. Seemed to know what he was talking about. Amiable. Around my age, or two batches older. Atenean too, I think. He was with his lawyer boss. I was with mine. Our bosses chatted. We smiled idly behind them. I hope I get to see him at the public hearing next week. Hehe! As to everything else, I'm bound by confidentiality rules. Anyway, work just poured in. Guess I spoke too soon.

Regular holidays and Special (non-working) holidays for the rest of the year

FYI.

August 18 (Monday) - Ninoy Aquino Day

August 25 (Monday) - National Heroes' Day

November 1 (Saturday) - All Saints' Day

December 1 (Monday) - Bonifacio Day

December 25 (Thursday) - Christmas

December 26 (Friday) - Additional special non-working day

December 29 (Monday) - Additional special non-working day

December 30 (Tuesday) - Rizal Day

December 31 (Wednesday) - Last day of the year

2009 - January 1 (Thursday) - New Year's

Sana January 2 na rin para loooooooooooong break. I definitely need one.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Tax does not like me...

And I don't exactly love it either. It took me forever and a half to answer this question earlier:

If the property leased is used for residential purposes, is lessee required to withhold any creditable withholding tax on rental payments to lessor?

By now, the answers to questions like this should come automatically. But they don't. And that really frustrates me.

I had to look into so many things before I could finally answer the question:

- Are lease payments subject to creditable withholding tax? - Duh. I should know this by now.
- What does "use in business" mean for the purpose of rentals under RR 2-98?
- How does the distiction between capital and ordinary assets apply, if at all?
- Is the definition of "habitually engaged in real estate" for under RR 7-03 relevant?
- If "use in business" is defined for the purpose of determining the nature of an asset as a capital asset or an ordinary asset for the application of capital gains tax, is that definition applicable to creditable withholding tax?

Damn. I should take a refresher course or something. I hate the fact that I still don't have a firm grip on the subject matter until now!!!

So there. On to my next assignment.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Ang Ipis. Bow.

I got this off Ate Myra's Multiply. Hehe! Funneeeee...

----

Mortal tayong magkaaway.

Tandang tanda ko pa, takot na takot ako sa ‘yo nung bata ako. Lagi kang umaaligid. Lumalapit ka pag di ko alam at nakakalapit ka ng di ko namamalayan. Pero ayoko pa rin sa ‘yo. Hindi kita gusto dahil alam ko na sasaktan mo lang ako. Style mo yan, lalapit ka pero mananakit ka lang.

Hanggang ngayon ganyan pa rin ang style mo. Aali-aligid, kung kani-kanino, kung saan saan. Lumalapit ka pero nananakit ka lang. Tama lang siguro na laging handa ang tsinelas ko panghampas sa ‘yo.

Pero kaninang umaga, pagkagising ko, naramdaman ko na may ibang pakiramdam sa labi ko. Kinagat mo ko habang himbing na himbing ako sa pagtulog. Hindi ako handa. Hindi ko namalayan ang paglapit mo.

Ikaw pa ang first kiss ko.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

On births and birthdays

The past week, three new little persons joined the ranks of our crazy family. I gave birth to triplets. Hehe! Joke. Fats lang talaga yan. Anyway... One boy, and twin girls. Ashton Ron (apparently, his mom has a thing for Ashton Kutcher), and the twin girls who were just born a few minutes ago, no names yet. So for purposes of this blog entry, let's call them Twin 1 and Twin 2. I used to think remembering birthdays was such a breeze. BUT when I stopped taking time to write people's birthdays at the top of the squares of my monthly desk calendar, I also stopped remembering them. Of course I never forget the birthdays of family and close friends (whose birthdays really are the only ones that matter anyway). I'm just finding it pretty hard to remember the birthdays of the next generation. I keep on mixing them all up. It's like they're not landmark birthdays anymore, not like those of the oldies, which somehow rank up there with Valentine's Day. Anyway, just an observation. Back to work.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

somewhere i have never travelled

In the midst of all this hoopla on anti-trust, monopolies and unfair competition I've been immersing myself in since last week, I chanced upon this poem by ee cummings which I've always loved, and which I haven't read since college. It's just one of those things that make any day infinitely better. Don't get me wrong, I like what I do. I love my job and the perks that go with it. It's just that sometimes, I wonder whether I'm on the right track in terms of my priorities in life, whether I'm focusing as much as I should on the things and the people who really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe I'm just scared that my grandmother (who turned 79 today) is. It's not a very farfetched idea that we may lose her soon. She's not exactly the healthiest person in the world, although she's doing pretty good for her age. I don't know. Mama's been preparing us for the eventuality of her passing away. Yesterday, my cousin had this dream about my mom which essentially involved Mama passing away. Mama had a dream that she died, and was telling one of her sisters to visit her. I HAVE been making it a point since college to spend as much time with Mama as I possibly can, to listen to her stories and write them down as well as my vocabulary will take me, and generally to make up for the time I lost after my mom died and we only got to spend a few days a year with her in Baguio. I've been a good granddaughter, I think. I have my fits of selfishness, of course. I won't even attempt to deny that, but I've gone as my moral and emotional fiber (and my finances) will take me when it comes to my relationship with Mama is concerned.

As I was telling my Tita a few weeks ago, I don't know how I'm going to handle another death in the family. When my mom died, I had the resilience of youth, and my entire family to back me up, among other things. Now, I have responsibilities beyond my reasonable comprehension. Many of my closest friends and family have left for abroad, some have passed away. And I don't think I'm as resilient as I used to be. Maybe it's too pre-emptive of me, but I want to plan ahead as to how I'm going to deal with that eventuality. The thing is, I don't know. I just don't know. And now I have to get back to my memo.

In any case, this made my day a bit brighter:

somewhere i have never travelled

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond 
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look will easily unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain,
has such small hands
 
-ee cummings

I am the Moon, apparently. =p

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Religious blunders

I was the designated (Note the word used. I did NOT volunteer!!!) commentator for the office first Friday mass earlier today. I bombed. I didn't know if my voice suddenly dropped half its volume in reverence to God, or the mic just didn't like me. In any case, since I've practically never done that before, I intermittently forgot that I was the commentator. Picture that. I cringe in disgust. Maybe it's because I haven't been to mass in so long. But no, I knew the responses by heart. I just really forgot (sporadically) that I was the commentator. I hate myself. I soooooo want to crawl under a rock and die. I slithered out of the lounge in pure self-pity and self-loathing after the ordeal and practically clawed my way up to my 9th floor cave to bury my head in the sand and give myself lung cancer, emphysema and bronchitis. There's a merienda thing downstairs for the July birthday celebrants. I originally intended to go, but one of the waiters brought me food, so I take it as a sign from God (Okay already, I'm sorry!) to stay under my rock. I think I can die utter self-loathing right now. Good Lord. Religion and Grace really don't mix. Jappy, jinujudge ako ni God!!! 

So anyway, I was chatting with Paul after that. I wanted to narrate it, but I guess it would be better to just post the damned thing:
(Grace's status: I HATE THIS DAY)
Paul Soriño: relax lang
Grace: kakainis kasi, pinag-commentator ako sa mass eh hindi naman ako sanay, ayun, palpak
Grace: buwisit
Grace: :((
Paul Soriño: sus ito naman. oki lang yun. ayaw mo nun, next time hindi na ikaw.
Grace: hahaha
Grace: yeah, if you look at it that way
Paul Soriño: dati ayokong magsaing sa bahay namin. ang ginawa ko sinunong ko yung sinaing. so hindi na ko pinagsaing
Grace: over analysis: bakit may stage fright na ako ngayon?
Grace: hahaha!
Grace: good idea ha
Grace: :))

Paul Soriño: stage fright??? you???
Grace: hehe, actually, naprepressure lang ako kasi mass
Grace: kung pina-speech nila ako, easier pa for me
Paul Soriño: ganun?
Grace: kasi, dios mio, feeling ko jinujudge ni god ang commentating ko
Grace: god: lintik na bata ito, yan kasi, hindi nagsisimba
Grace: :))
Grace: me: oh crap
Grace: hay buhay, basta ang labo, promise
Grace: alam na ng lahat ng tao dito na demonyita ako.
Paul Soriño: wahahaha. di naman ganun si God. tingin ko natatawa lang yun.
Grace: hehe
Grace: yeah
Grace: hay... i cringe in hindsight
Grace: never na talaga mauulit yan
Grace: kakanta na lang ako
Grace: hehe
Paul Soriño: meron din akong blueper dati sa mass. commentator din. before the gospel ang sabi ko "praise to you..." . tapos nalaman ko na mali. pero after the gospel ang sinabi ko pa rin e glory to you o Lord
Grace: hehe
Paul Soriño: si father jboy nga dati nalimutang iconcecrate yung wine e
Grace: ako dati, nagrorosary sa school, nagjump ako from "hail mary full of grace the lord is with you" to "pray for us sinners..."
Grace: duh, half and half
Grace: ano ba yun
Grace: hahaha
Grace: hay
Grace: i think talaga pinaparusahan na ako ni god for all my transgressions
Paul Soriño: may panlaban ako dyan. instead of "in the name of the father, the son..." ang sabi ko 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 sa sign of the cross
Grace: and i sort of get the point
Grace: hahaha!
Grace: ah, tapos instead of "o god whose only begotten son" sa rosary, ang nasabi ko yung sa angelus
Grace: :))
Paul Soriño: ok lang yan, common mistake yun
Grace: pero by far ang pinaka-embarrassing, nung grade 2 ako sinama ako ng mommy ko magmass sa baguio cathedral
Grace: proud na proud ako na alam ko na responses
Grace: nag-amen ako nang super lakas
Grace: at ako lang ang nag-amen
Paul Soriño: (rolling on floor laughing)
Grace: kasi hindi pala kasama sa script yun
Grace: :))
Grace: nag-pause kasi yung pari eh, tapos it seemed appropriate at the time
Paul Soriño: nagawa ko rin yan. ako lang ang nag "amen". sa maling part. at ako ang pinakamalakas. at ako ang commentator.
Grace: kaya after that, kahit ngayon, nagpapause muna ako bago ako mag-amen
Grace: hahahaha!!!
Grace: hay buhay talaga ito
Grace: di ka pa uwi?
Paul Soriño: uuwi na po. in ten... nine...
Grace: oks
Grace: ingat
Paul Soriño: babushki.
Grace: and think before you say amen
Paul Soriño: Amen 


Like I said, jinujudge ako ni God. I get it, I'm a bad bad bad bad evil evil evil evil person. I deserve it. I'll go hide under my rock now. Just drag me out when the world's about to end so I can make amends with the world.