Friday, July 04, 2008

Religious blunders

I was the designated (Note the word used. I did NOT volunteer!!!) commentator for the office first Friday mass earlier today. I bombed. I didn't know if my voice suddenly dropped half its volume in reverence to God, or the mic just didn't like me. In any case, since I've practically never done that before, I intermittently forgot that I was the commentator. Picture that. I cringe in disgust. Maybe it's because I haven't been to mass in so long. But no, I knew the responses by heart. I just really forgot (sporadically) that I was the commentator. I hate myself. I soooooo want to crawl under a rock and die. I slithered out of the lounge in pure self-pity and self-loathing after the ordeal and practically clawed my way up to my 9th floor cave to bury my head in the sand and give myself lung cancer, emphysema and bronchitis. There's a merienda thing downstairs for the July birthday celebrants. I originally intended to go, but one of the waiters brought me food, so I take it as a sign from God (Okay already, I'm sorry!) to stay under my rock. I think I can die utter self-loathing right now. Good Lord. Religion and Grace really don't mix. Jappy, jinujudge ako ni God!!! 

So anyway, I was chatting with Paul after that. I wanted to narrate it, but I guess it would be better to just post the damned thing:
(Grace's status: I HATE THIS DAY)
Paul Soriño: relax lang
Grace: kakainis kasi, pinag-commentator ako sa mass eh hindi naman ako sanay, ayun, palpak
Grace: buwisit
Grace: :((
Paul Soriño: sus ito naman. oki lang yun. ayaw mo nun, next time hindi na ikaw.
Grace: hahaha
Grace: yeah, if you look at it that way
Paul Soriño: dati ayokong magsaing sa bahay namin. ang ginawa ko sinunong ko yung sinaing. so hindi na ko pinagsaing
Grace: over analysis: bakit may stage fright na ako ngayon?
Grace: hahaha!
Grace: good idea ha
Grace: :))
Paul Soriño: stage fright??? you???
Grace: hehe, actually, naprepressure lang ako kasi mass
Grace: kung pina-speech nila ako, easier pa for me
Paul Soriño: ganun?
Grace: kasi, dios mio, feeling ko jinujudge ni god ang commentating ko
Grace: god: lintik na bata ito, yan kasi, hindi nagsisimba
Grace: :))
Grace: me: oh crap
Grace: hay buhay, basta ang labo, promise
Grace: alam na ng lahat ng tao dito na demonyita ako.
Paul Soriño: wahahaha. di naman ganun si God. tingin ko natatawa lang yun.
Grace: hehe
Grace: yeah
Grace: hay... i cringe in hindsight
Grace: never na talaga mauulit yan
Grace: kakanta na lang ako
Grace: hehe
Paul Soriño: meron din akong blueper dati sa mass. commentator din. before the gospel ang sabi ko "praise to you..." . tapos nalaman ko na mali. pero after the gospel ang sinabi ko pa rin e glory to you o Lord
Grace: hehe
Paul Soriño: si father jboy nga dati nalimutang iconcecrate yung wine e
Grace: ako dati, nagrorosary sa school, nagjump ako from "hail mary full of grace the lord is with you" to "pray for us sinners..."
Grace: duh, half and half
Grace: ano ba yun
Grace: hahaha
Grace: hay
Grace: i think talaga pinaparusahan na ako ni god for all my transgressions
Paul Soriño: may panlaban ako dyan. instead of "in the name of the father, the son..." ang sabi ko 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 sa sign of the cross
Grace: and i sort of get the point
Grace: hahaha!
Grace: ah, tapos instead of "o god whose only begotten son" sa rosary, ang nasabi ko yung sa angelus
Grace: :))
Paul Soriño: ok lang yan, common mistake yun
Grace: pero by far ang pinaka-embarrassing, nung grade 2 ako sinama ako ng mommy ko magmass sa baguio cathedral
Grace: proud na proud ako na alam ko na responses
Grace: nag-amen ako nang super lakas
Grace: at ako lang ang nag-amen
Paul Soriño: (rolling on floor laughing)
Grace: kasi hindi pala kasama sa script yun
Grace: :))
Grace: nag-pause kasi yung pari eh, tapos it seemed appropriate at the time
Paul Soriño: nagawa ko rin yan. ako lang ang nag "amen". sa maling part. at ako ang pinakamalakas. at ako ang commentator.
Grace: kaya after that, kahit ngayon, nagpapause muna ako bago ako mag-amen
Grace: hahahaha!!!
Grace: hay buhay talaga ito
Grace: di ka pa uwi?
Paul Soriño: uuwi na po. in ten... nine...
Grace: oks
Grace: ingat
Paul Soriño: babushki.
Grace: and think before you say amen
Paul Soriño: Amen 

Like I said, jinujudge ako ni God. I get it, I'm a bad bad bad bad evil evil evil evil person. I deserve it. I'll go hide under my rock now. Just drag me out when the world's about to end so I can make amends with the world.

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1 comment:

  1. UnknownTuesday, July 08, 2008 2:21:00 AM

    Hi Grace! Dropped by your blog, curious about the inclusion of my name. I have questions: how did you know that God judged you? Did He specifically tell you, or it is your perception of your mistake --- many of which are common blunders, not willfully done? I am afraid your image of God is a God who is unreasonable, and a God who cannot love us in our imperfections. Then if He loves only those who are perfect, then coming to the world to save it is a lie. Besides, no one is perfect. I think you have to check whether you are getting to be scrupulous rather than having a mature conscience. If I forgot to consecrate the wine (I can't remember someone giving me feedback after the mass), and I didn't will it, then I made a mistake, but I still feel that God understands that once in awhile, His servant overlooks something. But it remains valid (this is Canon Law). Didn't you read in the bible that as St. Paul said, "Whilst we were sinners, Jesus died for our sins."
    The word, whilst, was willfully written. And the Gospels said, that God sends the sun and rains to the weeds and wheat. Perhaps it is good to begin reflecting on what Scriptures say: you might be concocting your own god. Like falling in love with our concept of a person, and not the person himself.

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