The end of the longest losing battle of my life.

First of all, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to affirm my uh, talents. =p

This has been the longest semester of my entire life. By far. I'm so tired and worn out and burned out and all of that. I just hibernated for a day and it still isn't enough for me to recoup what I lost during the sem: my sanity, my peace of mind... If I could sue UP Law for moral damages, I would. Hello?!! Sleepless nights, besmirched reputation? How many hours of sleep have I lost?!!! Well, apparently, not enough. I think I'm just about to get kicked out.

This sem started out with yours truly working my ass off trying to raise funds for Winlaw. It's a thankless job, but it was my duty. I started contacting alumnae early in the summer while I was working with Picazo. After months of constantly worrying about whether or not I was going to be able to meet my target, I finally was able to smile. The barristers would have their goody bags and flowers.

And then there was September. The month when I had zero weekends and zero time to spare. Weekdays, as if they weren't hectic enough with law school, Mario and I had to huddle over preparing the goody bags and other Barops-related work. Saturdays after Tax, we had to rush over to Q.Ave. to do last-minute fruit shopping, traipse through the puddle-ey alleys of Dangwa to pick up the roses, then stay up til mid-morning on Sunday attending to deliveries and buying food and manning the HQ. I'd sleep til Sunday afternoon then study whatever I could for Monday's Nego-PIL tag team. The week would go by, same pattern. For a month. And when we breathed our last breath in Sheraton, it was time to take the finals.

Like I said, this has been the longest sem of my life. Literally and figuratively speaking. We started finals early with Nego. It's been about two weeks, and I firmly believe I've taken and failed IPL, PIL, and Tax finals. I thought I passed Nego finals, but I was wrong. JJ just emailed us our grades today, and they all suck. Nobody got higher than a 2.25, from what I gather. Professors hate our block, I swear. We all thought Nego would pull up our grades, but apparently, we were all wrong. If I failed a final exam that I thought was pretty goddamned easy compared to the other exams I took, how could I possibly pass the rest? I got a 2.5 final grade for Nego. That's all because I got a 1.5 recitation grade. I flunked both midterms and finals. Plus 5 absences. Gawd. I have no idea how I flunked. Man. This sucks.

Yesterday's Evidence moot court was humiliating. But we didn't exactly lose. Sir didn't grant relief to either party. No relief granted to our group as counsel for the plaintiff, but no relief granted either to the opposing group on their counterclaim. Oh well. In the criminal proceeding, no verdict was rendered, but thanks to the presumption of innocence, at least it was resolved. Prof. Theodore Te is one of the smartest and the most inspiring professors I've ever had. It was a pleasure being in 4 of his classes in law school. If ever I do get kicked out, at least, I'll have THAT in my pocket. It's just disheartening. This is what I've always wanted to do since I started seriously thinking about what I wanted to be, and I suck at it. Sometimes, I just want to cry, to scream at the world for being so mean to me. Why, God, why?!!

Well, there goes my sembreak. More sleepless nights to document to sue UP Law for moral damages. I'm off to take out my frustrations on the fridge. Not to eat what's in it, (which consists basically of air and water) but to clean it.

Like Nico said, the worst is yet to come. Finals season isn't over yet. There's still Transpo takehome finals and a Tax paper to contend with. By then, the grades will most probably be out. And I'll find out whether I'm still eligible for enrollment in law school. And there goes my peace of mind.

Reality does not bite. It clamps its teeth, draws and tears flesh from the bone, gnaws and crushes bone until there's nothing left but the memories of a battle long lost.