Wednesday, February 22, 2006

In response to comments, among other things...

First of all, I'd really appreciate it if you guys would sign your names. It's not like you write offensive or controversial stuff anyway.

In any case, here's my new thing: NO ASSUMPTIONS, i.e. nagpapaka-dense ako ngayon. Case in point is the case at bar. No matter what other people say, until the whole thing slaps me in the face, I will not acknowledge. And yes, there ARE innocent gestures. Like Nico's happy birthday text, which Sands is making such a big deal out of. Duh. It's Nico. Nuff said.

I'm just passing time until Corpo class comes along...

I had a GREAT birthday, by the way. I woke up at 8, took a shower then went over to David's to get a haircut. First trip with my new 'do was Rustan's and Mercury to go toiletries-shopping. My favorite pasttime. =) And then it was back to the condo to arrange stuff. He hadn't texted yet about lunch, so I went back to David's for a foot spa treatment. He and I had lunch at World Chicken, dessert and coffee at Cravings, then we went to his house to watch The Longest Yard with his older brother. First time in eons that I've visited. I was a bit uneasy about the idea of going there, but he told me it was no problem at all, since his family likes me anyway. (Kilig!!!) Anyway, I think his mom was happy to see me. Hehe! Oh, and his sister got her hair cut short too. And then it was 4pm, so I had to head back to school for Corpo, so he drove me to Malcolm na. I haven't had that much of that kind of fun in I don't know how long. I'd forgotten how it felt to have someone I sincerely care about hold my hand and watch a movie with me and all that. Hay... I'm still floating right now. Natural high again.

BUT I am not making any assumptions. Kinikilig lang ako on my own. Wherever he intends to go with this, sige lang. I'm fine with being friends. I have fun with him, and that's all that really matters, right? If I end up crying over this again, well, it's worth it.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine's Day and all that

A short description of how I spent Valentine's day: I slept at 8am after spending hours fixing my Corpo notes. (My insomnia is on a killing spree again.) Woke up at 1pm. Started cleaning everything in sight til 5pm. Took a shower. Ate breakfast / lunch / dinner. Watched the news. Now checking my mail. Yipeedooyay. =p

P.S. I think the elements of my grand plan are slowly coming together. I hope it works.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Tax? What's THAT?!!

Loc Gov finals are OVERRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Bwahahahaha!!!!!!!

Hay. So there. Now I can get on with my life again.

In any case, I've been going out this guy (an old friend from college) lately. I don't know what exactly his intentions are, but it's comfortable, and we have fun together. That's all that really matters. I don't want to assume anything, although he's been dropping quite a lotta hints since he dropped by Friday morning last week... Wonder when our dinner thing will push through. Well, que sera sera.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Goodbyes and a new sense of solitude

On Goodbyes...

I hate goodbyes. "Goodbye" is just such a sad word. Losing someone is such painful ordeal to have to go through. It's a shock that manifests itself more tangibly than any other emotion, and much stronger than even the deepest sense of failure or regret. And when there are no tears left to cry, the loneliness sets in.

I'm a self-raising child, but sometimes, I still feel the impact of losing my mom so early. Mid-Christmas break, I had a long conversation with Tita Susan about my mom. I'm reliving an ominous sense of loss now that I can't seem to remember her anymore. Her face, her voice, how it felt to be hugged in the morning, to be dropped off at school, to be welcomed literally with open arms after a long day, to be tucked into bed and kissed goodnight... After 13 years of going through life without her, it seems like she was never really there, that she only exists in my dreams and in old photographs, in those little messages she scribbled on the insides of the storybooks she bought for me and my brother. Juxtapose that with the knowledge that I would have never become who I am without her, it all amounts to reliving the saddest goodbye I ever said. I'm still in the process of trying to reconstruct a tangible memory of her, attempting to draw myself a picture from a distant memory here and there.

If you've ever lost a parent, you'll know that when people tell you that they know how you feel, they really don't. And though they tell you they're sorry for your loss, it really doesn't make dealing with the sudden sense of emptiness any easier. The morning I woke up to find that my mom was gone was the worst morning of my life. After the the funeral, I found myself alone, a 9-year-old trying to figure out how to manage a household, how to take care of my younger brother, and how to deal with myself. Difficult times that still haunt me sometimes. I'm just lucky I'm more resilient than most people. Everyone has problems. Everyone has issues to deal with. And they all are proportionately equal burdens to bear. But losing a loved one, losing a parent, and later on losing your memory of him / her is a different story altogether. Trust me, when you lose a parent, you lose part of yourself forever.

A new sense of solitude

So far, I've been "single" for two and a half years now. I remember describing myself after the big breakup as having just gotten out of a two year +++ relationship and getting used to a new sense of freedom. Well, it's one thing getting used to a new sense of freedom. It's quite another to be facing a blank wall or an endless tunnel (not necessarily dark) most of the time. These are the sort of days when I feel like I've lost my sense of direction in life. I mean, I know where I'm generally headed, it's just that it's all so abstract. Well, yes, that's generally how it is, but... I don't know. Maybe it's because Tito Ron's migrating to the States mid-March. I've just gotten used to having him around, or at least in the country.

As for my relationship blues, or better yet, my no-relationship blues, mainly due to the fast-approaching Valentine's Day on the 14th, my birthday on the 17th, and the Winlaw Ball on March 4th... I just miss those days when I had a regular date, someone to hang out to watch the sunset from the football field, or to be with until the wee hours of the morning or until sunrise just sitting somewhere with good intelligent conversation, with or without a beer. Without anybody getting jealous and minus the risk of getting teased about it. It's such a hassle having really close guy friends who are otherwise engaged or committed. I inevitably get rumored to be trying to pry them apart, or to be the other woman. Duh? They were my friends even before they got together with their so-called significant others. If we had something going, then that something would have inevitably manifested itself by now. If it's my guy friends who are not otherwise "in a relationship", I get all these gooey looks that say "Is there something going on with the two of you?" or worse, "He's mine, back off." Why can't people believe a girl can just be friends with a guy and not have anything else going for him? Gawd, what a goddamned hassle.

Well, when there IS something there, that's a different story altogether. But that "thing" happens to be something special. It's not something I feel for every guy who comes along. Like I always say, if I don't care for someone, that means I wouldn't bat an eyelash even if you jumped off the tallest building in Manila. BUT if I do give a shit, i.e. I care-slash-love-slash-(whatever people call it nowadays), I'm very protective, and I'm fiercely loyal. That having being said, well, sometimes, things just don't work out the way I wish them to. Sometimes, it starts out well, develops into something beautiful, and then ends in sobs and tears and drunk nights crying my eyes out with my girlfriends. Sometimes, it doesn't start at all. But somewhere along the line, something wonderful is bound to happen and last. At least I hope so. God, I hope so. It's not about being alone or not being loved, because I feel neither. It's just about having something else. Something different. Something exclusive, for lack of a better word. Something special. It's like having a special little secret that only he and I share. It's just...comfortable, but with that oomph.

This entire tirade about relationships is actually a teeny bit peculiar, given the fact that when certain events lead me to the reasonable belief that X or Y or Z or A or B (or whichever letter in the alphabet one would like to use to substitute for his real name) is makin' moves, I freeze. I get scared. I run. I did it before, and I think I'll never get over my fears. It's easy to flirt when I'm just being playful, and both of us just engage in harmless pseudo-flirtatious conversation which we both know doesn't mean anything significant and will not lead to anything more than a funny exchange of words. Otherwise, i.e. when I like someone, I inevitably get tongue-tied. Yep. I do. And I hate myself for it. Gawd, he thinks I'm such an idiot who can't keep up with him. Kainis. I end up censoring and sanitizing and rethinking and rewording everything in my head, prejudging everything I want to say, that I end up either not saying anything at all and just giving him this retarded look, or saying something incomprehensible. I'm not exactly a genius, but I'm not a moron either. And I hate coming across as a retard. Man.

Anyway, I think I'll end this splay of words right here. I'm going upstairs to berate myself for my inability to carry on an intelligent conversation. Sometimes, I really get the feeling that I'm losing 10 IQ points everyday. I think I'll just hide under my pillow until the sun comes up. At least my pillow won't judge me.

Two weeks before I turn 23

I turn 23 in two weeks!!! Dammit. Oh well. I'm old.

Anyway, I've been pretty busy lately with the paperwork for Tita Susan and law school and all. Loc Gov finals next week... Bummer. Very relaxing weekends though. I spent half my Christmas break in Laguna with my maternals (the first half in Lipa with my dad), and I had a FANTASTIC New Year's. The best EVER. Almost everyone was there. We crowded ourselves into our teeny weeny place, but it was fun fun fun. I was in EK with Tita Susan, Tito Efren, Jem and Kev December 31st. The rest I spent just enjoying everyone's company.

I've been going home pretty regularly since. I go home Friday night after Corpo with Danny Con. It's sort of a long trip. Jeep to the Q Ave MRT station, MRT to Ayala, walk to the Landmark / Park Square bus terminal, bus ride to Biñan, tric home. Phew. That's roughly 2 to 3 hours' worth of idle mindwork. You can just imagine what weird thoughts I come up with. I spend the weekend chowing down everything in sight. Which is A LOT. Mama and Tito Ricky cook like there's no tomorrow when I'm there. It's just so relaxing to be home, even if it just means 2 days or so every week. I get to see my two nephews, Stephen Nathan (3) and Josef Nikolaus (2). Both VERRRRY rowdy little boys. But they're as sweet as they are pains in the you-know-what. So it's all well and good. Of course, there's Mama, the brattiest grandmother in the whole world. Who lets me smoke. And my cousins Shirley and Cheryl, and Tito Ricky. Sometimes Tita Nita drops by. And Tito Ron's been coming over a lot from Bacolod. Can't wait to go home. Manila (well, Quezon City, technically speaking...) is just too much sometimes. Monday mornings are always still the worst. It's just hell trying to pry myself out of my sanctuary. But then it won't do to just stay there and relax everyday. No can do.

Oh yeah, a certain boy and a certain girl I know are pseudo-dating, according to this little bird who flew by my window the other day. Visuals have proven that much. No descriptions. People make too many assumptions.

I just got in touch with Tito Mike. Actually, he's actually more like an older brother, since he's just 3 years older. Apparently, he works in Eastwood lang pala, so we're meeting up sometime soon.

And that little tiff with Ngangi and Lorraine is over, thank God. It's inevitable to have those little arguments once in a while. Basta it doesn't figure much in the long run, it's fine.

Hay... I just missed Only You for the nth time. And tomorrow's the last episode. Darn. Oh well. Guess I'll just have to catch THAT on DVD.

On another note, L.A. and I are friends na again after our early morning texting pseudo-fight. I think he kinda got offended when I gave him a rundown of all the reasons why he's getting into a relationship that's SO not proper or advisable. Well, at least he has my points in mind na. We're meeting up sometime next week, probably after I have breakfast with Tito Iggy.

Two months of not writing anything has come to this.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Thank God it's Friday!

Finally the week ends, albeit on a rather harrowing note.

Last weekend was one of my worst ever. I went home Saturday afternoon to check on Daddy. I was so worried that his abdominal pains would turn out to be cancer or something. As of last weekend, the doctors still hadn't quite figured out what was wrong, mainly because Daddy was not very helpful in describing what sort of pain it was and where it was radiating from exactly. All he knew was that it hurt in his general stomach area. Gawd. Ang kulit, I tell you! He was under medication then, and stubborn as he is (Yes, I think I got my hair and THAT trait from him!), he wouldn't take his medicine if we didn't bug him like hell to. We were pestering him to drink his water, and he kept on saying he'd already reached his quota for the day. Unforgettable line: "Bakit, dapat ba tuwing iinom ako ng tubig, ipapakita ko sa inyo?" Yep, that's Daddy for you. At that point, all the tests had come back negative for anything bad, but there were kidney and prostate tests results that were due Wednesday. I was just sick with worry the entire time I was up at 6am on Sunday. I went to mass with Marcus, Rex, and Dad then we all left for Alabang. I think they were going furniture shopping for the new house or something. I ended up taking a bus from Alabang to Philcoa then 2 jeepney rides to get to the condo. By the time I plopped down on my bed, I was tired as hell. I couldn't get myself to study for LocGov. I had a really bad headache. Psychosomatic. Later Sunday night, I met up with L.A. to have a beer to soothe my nerves.

Monday, I managed to go to all my classes.

Tuesday, Leonen gave us a free cut, but I was already in school in frumpiest outfit, no contacts and dripping hair. I decided to make the most out of my cab ride money and stay in the lib to study. I just hung out with Mitch and Rich at the Portia booth haggling people to guess how many jellies there were in the jar.

And then came Wednesday looming over my head. That was one of the few days I was actually ready to face Ma'am Beth and DanGat. I had marginal notes and all. Read everything twice over. Which is so not me. I had my digests photocopied and arranged already, ready to be distributed. And then I got a text that we weren't going to have PrIL. Ma'am Beth had pharingitis or something. I left the condo 1:45, which usually gives me 5 to 10 minutes leeway to chat. But no, on that particularly horrible day, there were ZERO available cabs along Katipunan. I finally got one around 2pm, and LocGov starts at 2!!! Traffic was horrendous, and I ended up getting to Malcolm at 2:30. Couldn't go to class THAT late, so I immediately proceeded to burn tobacco and inhale the smoke. Lucky for me I didn't get called. Oggs did though. For the cases I digested. We didn't talk for 2 days but I think we're friends now... At least I hope so...

Thursday, I was again prepared for our scheduled SpecPro quiz, but we never got around to it. Which is a good thing. I also found out Daddy had kidney stones. Or stone. I'm not very sure about the particulars. So now he's under medication. It's still never a good thing to have kidney stones, but given the fact that I was thinking CANCER, I guess that's fine.

Today, holy crap. I was again as ready as can be to go to class. But no, as my fate has it, even though I slept at 2 and set my alarm for 9am to go to PrIL at 11, I ended up waking up at 11. I somehow managed to cancel all my alarms in my sleep. I swear, it's a curse! So then I got out of bed a bit later so I could go to LocGov. I left the condo at 1:30. The past 3 or so years I've been in UP Law, it never took more than 30 minutes to get to school, and that already factors in rain, the time I spend waiting for a cab and walking to class. It was just drizzling, so I figured it wouldn't be too hard to get a cab. I was wrong. After 15 minutes of no available cab in sight, I decided to take the jeep. To cut the long story short, it took me an hour and a half to get to school, and by that time, LocGov was over. Again, I was lucky not to have gotten called. And then Danny Con gave us a free cut. So why am I still holed up in the fucking lib? I'm waiting for Chi and Rich to get out of CivPro with Avena. I hate this week, I swear! I don't know how these things happen, and why they seem to be happening to me a hell of a lot more than other people. It's Murphy's Law all over again. Damn damn damn.

I hope breakfast with Tito Iggy tomorrow morning will start a good pattern... Otherwise, I might as well shoot myself in the head and get it over and done with. But hey, with my luck, I'll probably just end up paralyzed for the rest of my life or get caught for possession of an unlicensed firearm.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Stupid questions

I just dug up this old email from college:

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:(well,actually,they're more of "smart" comebacks...)

1. At the movies when you meet acquaintances/friends

Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer: Well, it's so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia...why don't you try again or should I try this time.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people asks

Stupid Question: Why, Why, why him, of all the people.
Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question: Is the "blah blah blah" dish good
Answer: No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement.We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years

Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask

Stupid Question: Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer: No, he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

Stupid Question: Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer: No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair

Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer: No, its Autumn, and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth

Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?
Answer: And while I'm telling you, you tell me if I bite.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks

Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke
Answer: No, it's a miracle .... it was chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Restless weekend

I've recently been proven wrong about a lot of things.

(1) I still know how to commute around Lipa.
(2) My dad hasn't been issued a clean bill of health yet. We're still waiting for 2 test results to come out. Darn. I swear, I'm going to die of anxiety before those results are finally released.
(3) It's complicated.

Can't elaborate now, I just got back from Lipa, and I have to rush through my Leonen readings and paper, Loc Gov, Pril, Corpo, and 3 digests for Loc Gov. Phew. Kill me, kill me, kill me.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

The best hug ever

I just got home from school about an hour and a half ago. I dropped by the condo for a few minutes to freshen up before I went over to McDonald's to have dinner with an old friend. I haven't seen him in quite a while. As with most of my friends, our schedules rarely allow for rendezvous-ing. Even today, we only had half an hour to catch up before he had to go to class and all. I'm really happy we met up though. The past few days have been really stressful, with my dad getting confined in the hospital and all, and I glad (what a word) to see him. We had dinner, or, well, I did. He just watched me eat. And then we talked for a few minutes. And then I got the best hug ever. =) Just when I needed it.

School has been a bit more hectic than usual, what with Ma'am Beth, Dan Gat and Danny Con Mondays and Wednesdays, one paper due every Monday, Leonen on Tuesdays, Spec Pro and Tax on Thursdays, Dan Gat on Fridays. I got called twice for Loc Gov for cases I didn't read. First time, I sort of got away with it. The second time, I overread for Pril (I read til Page 102 when the homework turned out to be til Page 59.) and ended up not being able to finish the assigned cases for Loc Gov. We all thought class was over, as it was 3:05 or 3:10 already, and class was supposed to end at 3. I had put my stuff away and all, and then I got called. Dan Gat had skipped a couple of cases, and there was one case left at the end, so I thought, yeah, I can do that. But no, he went back to two of the cases he skipped. Gawd, the horror! I so have to make up for that. And Esguerra held mini-orals earlier today. It was okay naman. But I still hate exams. I'm just happy I actually have weekends free now. Not that I get to go out a lot. I usually just spend the two days I have free lounging around watching good movies I've seen, or the ones I missed.

My dad got out of the hospital earlier today. Thank God. I couldn't study for the longest time out of sheer terror that he had cancer or something of the sort. One of my great-aunts has colon cancer. My dad says it's only a matter of time. Last I saw her, she looked like Death himself.

Among other things, I don't want to become an orphan, you know. My overactive imagination went wild. I couldn't stop thinking of all the worst-case scenarios. And then I cried like I haven't cried in a long time. What if this, what if that...? I'm so scared of losing people I love that I sometimes overreact when anybody in the family gets sick, as we're generally a pretty healthy lot. My generation, anyway. And my dad's 51. More than half a century. Age really does aggravate things. I panic when Mama (my maternal grandmother) gets a headache. As for Mama, my concern is justified. She still smokes, is prone to hypertension and heart attacks and all. And our family has a long history of all sorts of cancer, leukemia, heart ailments, hypertension and even diabetes. You name it, we've got it. I think it's the cigarettes. Even I have some sort of a heart problem. I mean that both literally and figuratively. =p I get your run of the mill chest pains every now and then. Worst ones were when I was in college. I just make all sorts of excuses when they want to take me to the hospital. And when they finally convince me to go, I make all sorts of excuses to NOT get the test results. What I don't know won't hurt me. Besides, it's probably just stress.

Anyway, what really aggravated the whole situation is that they don't tell me what's going on in full detail. It's like asking for the time and getting the answer, "Morning." Hello? Could you please be responsive to the question? I know it's because they don't want me to get worried, but ironically, what results is the exact opposite. I'm going home after Corpo tomorrow night to check on them. I want to see the test results for myself, just to make sure they're not hiding something from me.

On the brighter side, Tito Iggy sent me extra moolah for books. I guess it'll get credited to my account tomorrow. We're having breakfast one of these weekends. Yipeedooyay.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Saturday afternoon in the lib

I just uploaded a dozen or so new pictures to my Yahoo Photos and Friendster accounts. They're from my Sunday out with Kiel, Lianne's dad's birthday, and Saturday out with my roommates. =)

Anyway, right now, I'm passing time in the lib. Yes, I went to school but I didn't go to class. I was spent so much time pondering whether or not to go that by the time I had decided to actually go, class had started, and I didn't want to come in late. So I hung out by myself in the Winlaw room then decided to check my mail and upload pictures and stuff. I've been here almost two hours now, waiting for class to end so we can all have an early dinner. Yipeedooyay.

By the way, I cancelled my date for tonight. Not in the mood. Naiirita ako sa world today. And medyo ayoko siya makita kasi naiirita din ako sa kanya. Marie actually thought I was going on a date with -Ahem-. I wish diba? But no. Not him. Some other irritating little bozo na hindi ko gets ang strategy. Grrr...

Hay... I need a date for tonight.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

And the trouble begins...

I finally got around to advisement today, and lo and behold, my sched has been turned upside down, inside out. I have no complaints about the classes. For now at least. Ma'am Beth's still out of the country. My only complaint is that I already bought books for the classes I'm supposed to be taking this sem, goddamit! And I spent the rest of my book fund with the mistaken belief that I was done with that shit. Arrgh!!!

I was supposed to defer Corpo so I could take Agency. And since our Spec Pro class conflicts with my Agency class, I transferred to 3C. I also took an elective with Leonen. So now that I CAN'T defer Corpo, I have to drop Agency, take Corpo, and maybe go back to my block for Spec Pro. Oggs was allowed naman yesterday. Eh I didn't want to argue with her na. Now I have to borrow both Campos books from A.R. Please bear in mind that it's against my religion to borrow or to lend school books. It's part of this thing I've got going. So yeah, okay, fine. I'll take Corpo with my batch. I'll just have to take Agency next year with the Evening people. Ack. Ack. Ack. Double triple quadruple ACK!!!

So since I attended Corpo with Danny Con for the first time earlier today, now I have to sit in the first row, right smack in the middle. Waaahhh!!! I swear, God hates me. Ah, and I bought books na for Spec Pro with Esguerra kasi nga I was supposed to be taking Agency, but no, since I'm not taking it anymore, wala nang conflict Agency and Spec Pro ko. But I already have books!!! Kainis talaga! Instead of getting Herrera for Spec Pro and de Leon for Agency, I shoulda just bought the 2 Campos books for Corpo. Darn darn darn. Nahihiya nako mag-ask for money from my dad naman eh hello, I SO cannot afford to pay for those books out of my allowance. Although okay din yun, papayat ako kasi I'll be eating Skyflakes for the rest of the month. Haha! I just paid for my glasses pati. I'm super kaduper broke na talaga!!! I'm so broke I could cry! And I want to watch Harry Potter. And Memoirs of a Geisha. And Just Like Heaven. (May pact kami ni Nico NOT to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose kasi sayang money, eh we spend most of the time NOT watching the scary parts naman. I don't know what Nico's reason is, but as for me, I'm the scarediest cat there is. I end up dreaming of the scary parts, or thinking of them when I'm studying alone, and my imagination gets the best of me. I end up sleeping with the lights AND the radio on, blanket drawn over my head, and pillows packed on either side of my bed just to make sure na walang pwedeng tumabi sakin. Yes, all of this is true.)

Hay buhay...

Family reunion this weekend at Hillsborough. Tito Iggy's picking me up at 10:30am. I kinda have to go to this one, as I missed the February reunion. Kasi naman, ang layo kaya ng Polo Club! I went to the UP Fair with Lianne, Jen and Cesar na lang. Hehe! Tito Iggy prepared a bon voyage thing kasi for one of my other titos who was migrating to Canada or somewhere cold. =p Oh well, at least, I'll get to go to the one this weekend. And Sunday, I'm meeting up with Kiel. He'll be in Manila Sunday til Tuesday. May mangbubuwisit nanaman sakin. Gawd. I swear, I don't think he'll ever grow up. I CANNOT believe I used to be SO super hung up on him. I'm developing such lousy taste when it comes to guys, I swear! Well, di naman. Just one or two bad apples.

Again, help!!! Rescue me!!! God really shouldn't listen to what I say. Just the other night kasi, I was telling Chi na I was kinda regretting deferring Corpo. Ayan, sige lang ha. Be careful what you wish for kasi, you just might get it. As what happened to me. And I already bought books!!! Whattafucker!!!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Sickadoodledoo...

Can I just say, hindi ko na talaga kaya si Sam. He's so adorable, I swear to God!!! Hindi ko na talaga kaya! Marry me!!! Hehe! Just kidding. Not!

I am surrounded by viruses intent on attacking me. Honest. I feel like a nucleus, and the viruses are electrons and shit. Darn. Wrong timing. I haven't started on those Loc Gov readings for tomorrow yet... (I stole A.R.'s nicer copies. Hehe! Sorrreee. That's Grace tax for you.) Aw shit. I haven't been so exhausted for a long time. Well, not since finals, anyway. It's like someone dunked an anvil over my body and forgot to take it off. Reg was EXHAUSTING. It took me hours to get my Form 5 and THEN nagpaawa ako sa OCS so I could get out of Corpo. I'm taking it with the CivPro people next sem. Oggs and I are taking Agency this sem kasi and the only sched that wouldn't conflict with SpecPro was the 2C class with Chrissy (Wednesdays 8:30 to 10 and Saturdays 2:30 to 4). That would mean death for me, i.e. Chrissy, Ma'am Beth, Dan Gat and Danny Con on Wednesdays 8:30am to 4pm. Hello?!! Pwede mamatay? Well, luckily I was able to get out of it. I still have to go through assessment and all of that tomorrow. Haaaay...

In any case, I got a fun day out naman yesterday. Mario and I spent 8 hours traipsing all over Eastwood. We met up around 10:30 in school then decided to spend the day how we would SO not have the chance to for at least the next month and a half. Lunch at this really cheap but good place in the National Bookstore building (Sizzlers ata yun. I spent all of 65 pesos for lunch. =) And then we walked around, visited A Different Bookstore, went around, saw Zorro (Uber funny!!! Not a dull moment. Also reminded me of someone. Hehe!), hung out at Coffee Bean (NOT studying this time), then dinner at Gerry's with Jay. Ahhh... What a day...

And then there was today. Gawd. I saw Nanezze though. We spent the afternoon with Sands. And Lianne's mom treated us out to lunch at Little Asia Morato. Yumyum. =) Oh yeah, Lianne and A.R. are friends na. Hehe! Ask A.R. how it happened. What a weirdo. ANYWAY...

I have to get back to Loc Gov. Exaj. Inaantok nanaman ako. This doesn't happen naman when I don't have to read for school.

Lalalalalalala... Law school is back with a vengeance.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

I'm baaaaaack!!!!! =p

Yep. Your worst fears have come true. I'm back with a vengeance, new issues and all. Haha!

I just got back from Lipa earlier today. Long road trip with my dad, stepmom, brother the toddler, Lorraine and Tita Raquel through a good section of Batangas, Tagaytay and most of the South. Hehe! I love road trips. Anyhoo, I brought back with me a lotta bad memories, i.e. reviewers and digests from way back. Meaning freshman year of law school. I just realized I had 4 notebooks for Persons. I filled up 2 for my notes and another 2 for handwritten digests. Phew. I didn't know I was THAT masipag then ha! Excuuuuse meee!

And what did this genius do 2 minutes after the guardia civil drove away? (Don't get me wrong, I love my dad et.al., but a girl's gotta have some nicotine.)

(1) Ran to the convenience store and bought a pack of yosi.
- Can't smoke at home. My dad would kill me. Yep. Definitely kill me. Although come to think of it, since I was alone in the house with my baby (C.S. Lewis) for quite a bit, I could have sneaked a smoke or two.

(2) Bought prepaid.
- Been using my dad's phone since yesterday. I just deleted the evidence from the sent messages folder. Sneaky. Hehe! If he only knew I was texting the guy he hates most. You know, the one about whom he had this to say: "Break na kayo? Buti naman. Pag nakipagbalikan ka dun, sasampalin kita." Eh hindi naman kami eh. Texting so does NOT a relationship make. Duh. Anyhoo, nothing wrong with being friends. As long as there are no unecessary complications.

(3) Labeled my reviewers and arranged them in alphabetical order by subject.
- Still have to get one of my CivPro reviewers bound though. And Cesar still has one of my Property reviewers. It's oddly comforting (for me, anyway) to see things in such a state. It drives some people nuts. And others just find it hilarious that I actually do these things. (NICO, Nico, Nico and Nico. Oh, and my roommates, my barkada, and my new favorite guy---Mario)

(4) Arranged, rearranged, and re-rearranged all my stuff until I came up with the best arrangement.
- Which is also what I did with my stuff at home. Spent a good 3 days rearranging furniture around the house, cleaning my room (Nobody goes there. They say it's haunted. Which it is, I think. But I'm apathetic even towards ghosts. I blame it all on a hyperactive imagination. But I AM a scaredy cat if there ever was one. Which does not make any sense except to moi.), setting up the Christmas tree et.al., driving my brother the toddler nuts, trying to annoy my dad to tears (Hehe!), visiting relatives, reading, eating... Well, you know what sembreak is like for me.

(5) Long chat with Ngangi and Lorraine.
- Re: (1) Sam (Blush blush). Gawd, ang cute talaga niya, hindi ko kaya!!!, (2) Lorraine's Hong Kong / China trip, (3) Weird stories, (4) The bubwit, and (5) Shopping.

(6) Had dinner with Ngangi and Lorraine while talking about feces and puke.
- Seriously. Brother the toddler got terribly dizzy in the car on the way here and threw up. Oh gawd the stench!!! I am never going to have kids, I swear! But I love that little critter. Although he eats up like 90% of the bed when he sleeps in my room. AND he throws plump calamansi in with my reviewers as if he were playing basketball. He's such a cute kid, I swear. Quite a smartass for 1 1/2 years.

(7) Tada!

Oh yeah, we're moving to the new house sometime in December. We're spending Christmas there daw. Dad says he's still going to maintain the old one though. Our stuff's still going to be there. I'll probably be spending most of my time at the old house too. All my books are there. Besides, it's just a 5 or 10 minute drive away anyway. If I opt to commute, which I hate doing, it would probably take me half an hour or so. Factoring in the circumstance that I don't know my way around Lipa anymore. Shucks, sana may cute neighbors kami. I've only been there twice, and the only neighbors I've seen are not so appetizing. =p Oh well. As for my issues, happy ako ngayon. Tinatamad ako magrant.

Anyway, I'll go back to watch a couple of episodes of Stained Glass. Hehe! Gotta drop the cd's off at Picazo pa. I just borrowed them from Gwyneth eh. Au revoir!!!

Sunday, October 23, 2005

My last goodbye...

Haha! Dramatic ba? Anyhoo, I'll be outta town for the next 2 weeks or so. I'll be in my treehouse in the province. Hehe! I'll be visiting family and friends I haven't seen for months. I'll be spending a week at my grandmother's in Biñan before I go to Lipa for All Saints' and All Souls' Days and a couple extra, to spend time with my dad, my stepmom and my two brothers.

So there. It's not THAT far from civilization, I assure you. I can still receive text messages, so if anything comes up or whatever, just holler. Or send smoke signals. Something. I won't be updating my blog or checking my mail til I come back though. Time to give my online life a bit of a rest too. I'll be back with my kwento in two weeks, or three weeks max.

Again, if it's important, you guys have my number. Happy sembreak! (Well, until the grades come out anyway...)

LINES FROM THE SONGS I’M LISTENING TO…

Again, these are just lines ha. They are not intended to mean anything or to get any message across. I just happen to be listening to my first MP3 cd, these songs appear in the first few folders, when alphabetically arranged. Don’t take me too seriously. I really don’t make THAT much sense.

“You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug… / You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug… / You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug…”

“I want you all tattooed / I want you bad / Complicated / X-rated / I want you bad bad bad bad bad bad…”

“If you could only see the way she loves me / Then maybe you would understand / Why I feel this way about our love / And what I must do / If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says / When she says she loves me…”

“I’m a slut / That’s why you love me / That’s why you have me too…”

“And all we have to lose is time / And what we lose we leave behind..."

“Don’t look at me that way / Just close your eyes / Do you want to say it / I can make it on my own / I’m not alone / And if you go away you know…”

“All about chemistry / Won’t you show me everything me you know / Won’t you show me everything you know…”

“I have become cumbersome to this world / I have become cumbersome to my girl… Too heavy, too black or too white, too wrong or too right / Too rich or too poor…”

“There’s been time / I’m so confused / All my roads they lead to you / Just can’t turn and walk away / It’s hard to say what it is I see in you / Wonder if I’ll always be with you / Words can’t say and I can’t do enough to prove it’s all for you…”

NOTE: Obvious ba, tinatamad ako gumawa ng paper?

RANDOM THOUGHTS (which came up while I was writing my tax paper)

*First of all, when I don’t name the people I describe, the descriptions could match at least half-a-dozen people. They are not named for a reason. No assumptions called for here. Nuff said. Some people can be so annoying sometimes.

*For the record, I’m tired of him na. Yauck, feeling. ‘Di nga. Time for a change. Time to switch. Masyado nang matagal yan. Nakakasawa na. Mario, I won our bet! Sabi ko sayo, by the start of the 2nd sem diba? See, I’m 3 weeks ahead of schedule. 

*Like I said before, sometimes, I think people take me too seriously. That’s why I always get myself into trouble. Hello?!! What a weird world.

*Mario’s leaving na on Tuesday… =(

*I’m going home tomorrow. Yay! I’ll be spending a week at my grandmother’s in Biñan then I’m going home to Lipa with Joven to spend All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days with my Dad, my stepmom and my brothers. I’ll probably meet up with Kiel before I come back here for reg. Now if only I could finish this Tax paper…

*Another weird thing. The past few days, I’ve been saving text messages from an old friend. Nothing special. Wala lang, na-touch lang ako that he remembered. He’s still the same old weirdo from high school.

*I wonder when the grades will be out… The anticipation is killing me…

*I’m currently half-done with my bonus tax paper. It doesn’t make any sense though. It’s more like a PolSci paper than a Tax paper. Oh well. What can a girl do when her brain is on vacation?

*I love Gilmore Girls and Jack and Bobby. Jack kinda looks like Sam but thinner. But I am consciously preventing myself from fulfilling Nico’s prophecy that I’m going to end up marrying a foreigner. Ayoko nga. Baka mamaya he has hair up his ass pa. Or doesn’t wash. And leaves skid marks. Ewww… Gross!

*Nico is on a silent retreat in Tagaytay, but he broke his solemn oath of silence by greeting Punch Happy Birthday, texting me, and secretly watching TV with the maids. Haha! Funny kid. Lovers abound daw in Tagaytay.

*And the record holder for the most messages saved in my phone inbox is…NICO!!! Currently at 8 out of 16, though when I erase a couple of transient messages, it’ll probably be at 8 out of 10 or something. Ang cute kasi magtext ni Nico, may sense. Hehe!

* And the record holder for the oldest message saved in my phone inbox is…NICO!!! The oldest message here is from June 17, 2003 00:30:42. From Nico’s number from college pa, the phone with a little love letter insert for the magnanakaw. Hehe! We used to laugh at him when we were in college because of that.

*I’m rediscovering old MP3’s I’d forgotten about. Alana Davis, Tonic, Creed, 3 Doors Down, Anika Paris… College songs, mostly. Fun fun. 

*Yesterday was Punch’s 20-somethingth birthday.

*Yesterday was also L.A.’s 24th birthday. Yep, friends na ulit kami.

*Up and coming birthdays: 24 – King, Pawie; 25 – Angie Uy; 26 – A.J. Paz; 27 – Tonyboy, Jenie; 28 – Anja, Jocs; 29 – Joven; 30 – Tanya.

*Bakit ba madaming taong may birthday ng October? Hmm… So minus 9 months, ginawa sila January. Onga naman, malamig pa nun. Hehe! Ako, ginawa ako July, rainy season. According to my lola, sa Iloilo daw. Mother! I really shouldn’t be privy to this sort of information! Puhleeeease!!!

RECONSTRUCTED ANECDOTES FROM COLLEGE AND LAW SCHOOL FRIENDS 

RECONSTRUCTED ANECDOTES FROM COLLEGE AND LAW SCHOOL FRIENDS 

(1) Girl borrows boy’s jacket, and is returning the jacket.

Boy: “I want my jacket back…with you in it.” (Hahaha! What a line!)

NOTE: Boy got his jacket back. Without the girl in it. Kasi naman!

(2) Girl and boy are fighting. Girl does not want to talk.

Boy: Why won’t you talk to me? What’s wrong?
Girl: Just give me a moment, ok? I don’t want to talk right now.
Boy: Why?
Girl: Basta, it’s one of those moments. I just don’t feel like talking.
Boy: Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?
Girl: (Exasperated) Never mind, the moment is over.

NOTE: Nagbati rin naman sila eventually. Lesson, wag pilitin ang taong ayaw magsalita.

(3) Girl pondering the IF scenario of liking someone else.

Boy: Well, there will always be someone better looking, nicer, and all of that, but what matters is who you really love.

NOTE: Yan ha, may magagamit na kayo na line. Plus points yan. Just don’t dwell on the “better looking” part. Baka sabihin pa, sinasabihan mo siya na pangit siya. Hehe!

(4) Girl naglalambing, says she has a song na for the boy, I miss you by Incubus. Boy listens to song.

“Threefold utopian dream?!!” And boy immediately gets mad. Feeling niya may other boys girlfriend niya. Hahaha! Ano ba yan!

NOTE: Nagbreak din sila eventually, thank God!

(5) Unintentional confession. Boy and girl are walking back to the dorm past midnight. Cat meows, sounds like a baby crying. Girl, startled, jumps in fright.

Boy: You’re like Kyle (not real name).
Girl: (Medyo bingi, thought he said “You like Kyle.” Panicking.) Ohmigod. How did you know? Was I that obvious?
Boy: Uh, I said YOU’RE like Kyle, not YOU like Kyle.
Girl: Oh. Okay.

NOTE: Naging sila a few weeks after this incident.

(6) Boy is driving girl home from Makati.

Girl: You do know she likes you right?
Boy: Yeah, but I like someone else.
Girl: Ah talaga? Sino?
Boy: Ikaw.
Girl: Wushu! Whatever! Binobola mo nanaman ako.
Boy: You know, you should start taking people seriously.
Girl: Huh? What do you mean?
Boy: People who like you.
Girl: Huh? People like who? (Fishing na to at this point. =p)
Boy: People like me.

NOTE: Naging sila a few weeks after this incident.

(7) 3 girls, 2 guys walking to KFC for lunch.

Boy: Is the sun shining?
Girl: Huh? Abnormal ka talaga.
Boy: ‘Di nga, is the sun shining?
Girl: (Sarcastic.) No, it’s emitting heat and light.
Boy: Hay…

NOTE: May pagka-abnoy lang talaga siya. Pero naging sila a few weeks after this incident.

(8) Nico and Chi know this one by heart. Haha! Marketing paper overnight run in Eliazo. I brought rambutan for my groupmates. It was 5am, we were all sleepy. There were 2 pieces left, I think. Iyos ate one. Impe ate one. A third friend, itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Therese. Nakakahiya kasi for her. Anyway, Therese was busy chewing.

Therese: Mmmm… Sarap ng rambutan.
Iyos: Ha? Eh dalawa na lang yun eh. Kinain ko na yung isa, kinain ni Impe yung isa.
Therese: Talaga? Open na nga siya kanina.
Grace: Ohmigod, kinain mo second-hand rambutan!!!

NOTE: Naging si Iyos and Impe senior year. And si rambutan girl, may boyfriend na rin daw, according to a common friend. Hehe! I think mas careful na siya kumain ng rambutan ngayon.

(9) Room 305 Eliazo Hall. A certain roommate was asking me something about Ma11.

Roommate: Grace, pano kunin yung y-interceept?
Grace: Bwahahaha!

(10) HUGE moth flying around the ceiling fan in our dorm room. That particular ceiling fan has killed a good many insectoids. Moth gets caught in the blades, and is thrown to the floor, apparently dead. Tanya approaches the remains and checks for signs of life.

Tanya: It…

The moth suddenly moves.

Tanya: …has been alive!!!

(11) Laya is memorizing the Our Father in Spanish in our room for Spanish orals the next day:

Laya: (Reciting what she thought was the Our Father in Spanish)

Laya: Ohmigod! Mali! Sinasabi ko pala, Our Father, how are you in heaven!!!

(12) Grace and seatmate Koko doodling in her notebook during Partnerships and Corporations class with Pio Batino. Sir notices them.

Atty. Batino: Ms. Torralba, would you like to show your drawing to the class?
Grace: No Sir, it’s ugly.

(13) Legal History class with Dan Gat.

Dan Gat: Ms. Gabriel, when was the Civil Code enacted?
Daisy: (Serious) Sir, sometime in the 20th century.

(14) Property class with Barry Barry Arbitrary.

Barry: Ms. Sebastian, how was the land acquired in this case?
Mia: (Frantically going through the digest) Sir, treason and rebellion.
Oggs to Nico: Hindi ako makapaniwala na sinabi ni Mia yun.

(15) Crim 2 class with Sir Te.

TOT: Ms. Sebastian?
Mia: (Stands up.) Sir?
TOT: I’m just checking attendance.

(16) Persons class with Ma’am Beth.

EAL: Mr. Cruz, why are you smiling? Did I say something funny? Stop smiling!

(17) Again, Persons class with Ma’am Beth.

Oggs: …Singalong Street… (pronounced /singalong/, not /sing-ga-long/)
Oggs: …Violeta Drilon… (pronounced /vīoleta/)

(18) Moot court.

Mia (direct examination of plaintiff Mr. A): Do you have any proof of this?
Mr. A: Yes, I have a printout of an email from my sent inbox.

(19) Early Friday morning freshman year

Grace (while skimming through Dan Gat's article Eyes Wide Shut) to Chi: Haha! Malas talaga ng matatawag sa article na 'to.

During class...

Dan Gat: (Shuffles class cards.) Ms. Torralba?

NOTE: Hello? Bagong break ako nun!

(20)Another early Friday morning freshman year

Grace: (Thinking to herself in the cab while reading the opening paragraph on the article Bossism on the Mafia.) Di naman siguro ako matatawag today...

During class...

Dan Gat: Ms. Torralba.
Grace: (Recites the first article which she was able to read).
Dan Gat: Ok. Let's go to the next article.
Grace (in her head): Holy shit.
Grace (this time out loud): Um, sir... (Then makes up a long discourse on the Mafia in relation to the previous article.)

NOTE: A few minutes later, Chi, Jen and I were standing for recit. (Ron had previously recited also.) Dan Gat walked out.

GRACE: I can't remember the other law school anecdotes. Send nyo na lang sakin, para I can add them. May plan kami nila Nico gumawa ng compilation for the block. Wala lang. To remember our happy moments in law school. No matter how few there are. Hehe! Why do I think of all these things when I’m supposed to be writing a Tax paper?

Friday, October 21, 2005

Clarity

Haayyy... The world has not been this clear in a long time. Hehe! I got new contacts kasi. Kaya pala ang labo labo ng world lately. Hahaha! Shet, ang corny. Anyhoo, I really have to start taking care of my eyes... The past year, my grade jumped from 300 to 375 (left eye) and from 250 to 325 (right eye). Astigmatism remains at 25. I may go blind someday if this vicious pattern perpetuates itself. Egad. Thus, as part of my campaign to regain my long lost vision, I will no longer write a tax paper. Hehe! Just kidding. Off to dinner I go. I'm done downloading more stuff to read. And then I'm going back to Clive Staples Lewis. Ano ba yan, kinikilig pa rin ako sa new pet ko (my new book). Abnormal!!!

Remember (Christina Rossetti)

REMEMBER
Christina Rossetti

Remember me when I have gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future you had plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

THE MORE LOVING ONE

THE MORE LOVING ONE
W. H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.